How to Get Insomnia

Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Fall asleep.
As you sleep soundly, have your overgrown, oafish kitten jump on the bed and bite your toe.
Turn on lamp. Glare at kitten.
Fish for a magazine to read to put you back to sleep, find the Feb. issue of Vanity Fair.
Read about those bastards in the Middle East.
Get horrified. Look at clock. Notice it's too late to call Canada.
Get up. Log on.
Read delightfully romantic card from new girlfriend, who can type pretty well even when she's apparently toasted on Canadian beer.
Look at clock, notice it's REALLY too late to call now.
Do a meandering blog. Wonder if anyone's reading it, and wonder who they are and whether they think there is some psychopathlogy at work here.
Consider making toast and hot cocoa, and the calories and caffeine involved. Think better of the idea. Consider a cocktail, then remember the antibiotics and nix that idea, too. Rule out Coke, juice and green tea. Settle for some water.
Go back to bed. Toss and turn. Repeat as needed. Damn cat.