Valentine's Gifts I Do Not Want

All this talk about Valentine's Day has made me start to think, what don't I want for this special day of affection?

• Stuffed animals. I have real animals who take up enough space.
• A talking/singing trout that hangs on the wall. 'Nuff said.
• Lingerie. I sleep in a T-shirt, lingerie is itchy and I look silly in it.
• Balloons. James my kitten is already crazy, he doesn't need the added stimuli.
• Cards from ex lovers. It's over. Move on.
• Chocolate covered cherries. Diabetes in a box, no thanks.
• Poetry books. I am a journalist. Most poetry makes my head hurt.
• The Prophet by K. Gibran. I hate that book and he's a windbag.
• Celine Dion or Michael Boulton CDs.
• Fake roses or other faux plantlife.
• Love coupons. They never seemed to get cashed in on demand.
• Slippers shaped like animals. I could trip and bust a hip.
• Fitness tapes. Please, Buns of Steel nearly killed me in the warm-up.
• Cat toys. Have tons, plus James prefers Kleenex and pecans to toys.
• Self help books. At my age, this is pretty much the way I am. Thanks anyway.