The Trouble With Relationships

I have trouble with relationships because all this time I've called them relationships, which means a potential future, rules and expectations a go go.
Today when my new -uh- whatever- played hooky from work and we indulged in a day of merrymaking, we decided what we had going was an affair.
Not a relationship, an affair.
An affair implies delectable sexual trysts, romance, mystery and excitement.
A relationship implies chores, obligations, excess nurturing vs hot monkey sex, having to deal with her friends and family, and basically a lot of crap I am no good at.
We snuck off to a movie matinee today, to see "21 Grams."
Don't see it, it's dreadful. It's among the worst movies in history, in fact.
We left early, went back to my house and continued the affair until I had to leave for the gym.
Today, I bench pressed 100 pounds for the first time.
It's because I am having an affair.
In a relationship, you can let yourself go because couples watch a lot of TV and eat snacks together.
In an affair, you have to stay in shape because you are naked a lot, having sex.
I can bench press 100 pounds and I'm having an affair.
Life is good.