Monday, April 03, 2006

Bill Maher's closing remarks on his recent show

Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more.
There's no more money to spend--you used up all of that.
You can't start another war because you used up the army.
And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the
Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your Mom.
The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out.
No one's speaking to you. Mission accomplished."

"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest
and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil
company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try
the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man?
Now I know what you're saying: there's so many other things that
you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know.
There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela.
Eliminating the sales tax on yachts.
Turning the space program over to the church.
And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote."

"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why?
Because you govern like Billy Joel drives.
You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you haven't given
yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man.
Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never
conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes."

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus,
four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the
City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying
you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse
it could be if you were on the other side."

"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.'



larkohio said...

I saw this elsewhere, and thought Bill was right. George would never resign, however, he likes the power, and still thinks he is right.

dusty said...

I love his closing comments each week. They are funny..yet sadly so true.


Lulu Maude said...

Two thumbs up! (both mine)

dusty said...

delay tossed in the towel???????

bet he is gonna cop a plea..what do you think KZ?

Anonymous said...

Perfect justice would be for Tom Delay to get shuffled off to Club Fed somewhere only to discover there are no golf carts and all the caddies refuse to carry his bag for him. That, and his roommate turns out to be none other than Claude Allen. It wouldn't hurt if his other roommate couldn't stand him and beat him like a borrowed mule for his entire stay.

Loved Bill Maher's closer by the way! I had a problem with this line though: "I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side." From what I've gleaned, Dubya's always been on the other side. His best friends and family are Saudis. They didn't call him "Bandar Bush" for nothing ya' know. Oh well, he'll always have his mother if he feels everyone hates him; her and his Oedipus complex.

On the topic of Americablog and the banned commenters, that could be so. Imagine how bad I feel now for having accusing John of banning me.

Sanford said...

Maher never ceases to amaze. Thank you for posting the transcript-- I was looking for something like this.

Oh-- You should check this out. Re: South Dakota abortion ruling.