Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What's Next, Sanford, Showing Us Your Penis?

With each day bringing sordid new details about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his wiener gone wild, it's only a matter of time before he whips it out and shows it to us so we can behold its mighty girth.
I am not a psychotherapist, but it doesn't take one to see how much perverse pleasure this clown is taking in publicly reveling in his sexual dalliances.
Now, between conversations with God, he's telling anyone who'll listen that his Argentine mistress was not his only extramarital affair.
Oh sure, she's (allegedly) the only one he went all the way with, but do we really need to know what bases he landed on with the others? Is this guy 49 or 14?
Is he really so narcissistic he needs to keep talking about his errant pee-pee?
And why does he think he still has the right to mention God at every turn?
Doesn't he know that once you're caught fucking around, you have to give up your phony religious facade?
Listen. If God really was steering this creep's ship, He'd tell him to shut the fuck up, lie low and either resign or get back to work.
He reminds me of a toddler who finally nails potty training and wants everyone to rush in to look at his very special turds.
Less id and more super ego, please.


Karen Zipdrive said...

In his latest media true confession, this turd called the Argentine woman "his soulmate," but that he was "trying to fall back in love with his wife."
Jesus! If I were his wife, I'd make Lorena Bobbitt look like Mother Teresa after I got through with him.

bigsis said...

Some hardcore Republican thug was on MSNBC and he said "this guy is making me sick."

I agree Zip, he wants everyone to know he's not the dorky loser he appears to be, he's a playah.

I'd have such respect for the wife if she up and just dumped his ass and called him a needle dick on the way out the door.

Karen Zipdrive said...

OMG I just heard his depressed, droning voice on Olbermann's show.
I think he was either drunk or highly stoned the way he was confessing to everything but fathering all of Michael Jackson's kids.
The guy is a nut!

Lulu Maude said...

Potty training! Special turds!

Fine form!

nonnie9999 said...

this is what i think is really going on. he doesn't want to be governor. i don't think he ever wanted to be in politics. he hates being a public person, and he'd rather pack it all up and move down to argentina to be with his soulmate. jenny, on the other hand, is quite adept at politics. she's the one running this show, and he resents her for it. she needs to stay in the spotlight so she can be the stoic long-suffering wife so she can run for office. if he's gone, she's gone. now, marky mark doesn't have the balls to stand up to her and resign outright. therefore, he not only embarrasses her by giving everyone the details, thereby venting his resentment towards her, but he insures that more people will call for his resignation. that's how he claims that his resignation wasn't his idea. he's quite the passive-aggressive little weasel.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Brilliant, Nonnie.
Let me add to your theory with my own.
Being the self-loathing, pasty white wimp he is, I think he's acting like he's the star of a telenovela because he knows the pathos and drama will endear him to the Argentine people, and they will help convince Maria that he's more than just a self -loathing, pasty white Americano wimp, so she doesn't dump him the minute he arrives penniless at her doorstep.
And yes, he's obviously trying to punish his wife in the bargain so she'll get livid and turn bitch on him, and he won't have to pay as much alimony and child support.
He is a passive aggressive little sniveler. And if the wife doesn't take the bait, he's toast.

nonnie9999 said...

what's really hilarious is that sparky marky mark is like an adolescent boy with his first crush. i guess marrying jenny was what was expected of him, but there was no passion. after a few years with maria--if that long--and the element of danger is gone, he'll get bored with her. i think he's more in love with the fact that he did something bad than with her.

once sparky leaves her for maria, i think jenny should marry lindseypoo. he'll have his beard, and she'll have a loveless marriage. it'll be just like having sparky there.

dguzman said...

What a freak.

Anonymous said...

Passive aggressive, yes. As a career teacher of the p.a. (not to mention the balls out aggressive) I am seeing some top notch psycho sleuthing going on here. The prototype P.A. is seething with anger but won't wear it so he goes around trying to punk people off so they will wear it for him. Given his career has all been Jenny's idea it looks like Sanford sans sons has pulled his career train into the station with this latest gaffe. But if it's intentional is it even a gaffe ? Now he can re-live his moments with his loves the way incarcerated pedophiles do and the storm around him can rage. The storm being mainly his wife. KZD your bare knuckle prose is effing killing me. Are you sure you don't have family from County Cork

Karen Zipdrive said...

How I wish I was Irish. I envy their capacity for liquor and their ability to write while drunk.
I cannot. Even a little.

JimBob said...

Can't write while you're drunk? No way! When I was drinkin', I could do everything better: drive, dance, converse intelligently, talk to the ladies, solve complex nuclear physics problems.

Sheesh, sometimes I wonder why I gave it up!

Agree with Nonnie. This guy is playin' games with some serious ulterior motives. It's fun to watch.

I just love when the self-righteous holier-than-thou folks get busted! Remember Jimmy Swaggart??? LOL!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Sigh, JimBob.
After one glass of wine I'm so mellow and blotto I can't accomplish anything. I do get friendlier and more gregarious, but not that much.

Distributorcap said...

something tells me jenny straps it on for him