Thursday, September 03, 2009

A Message to School Children From the President of the United States
(according to the right)

Good morning, all black children and to you lesser white devils too,

I'm speaking to you today to remind you that if your mommy and daddy are Republicans, they are idiots and you should run away from home and live in an orphanage. It'll be a lot more fun than living with morons.
For you black kids, from now on you get free ice cream any time you want.
You Latino kids get free tacos whenever you want, too.
Asian kids get free electronic toys whenever they want.
You white devils get nothing.
If you want treats, ask George Bush for them.
You black kids and your pals who are not white, stay in school, get good grades and get free scholarships for any college you want.
You white kids, go ahead and drop out. You can set up meth labs when you grow up and make money that way.
All you kids, I want you to tell your parents to bug their lawmakers to vote for the health care giveaways. If they refuse, tear up the house, break things and knock your heads against a wall until they have to take you to the emergency room.
And all you kids, if you hear your parents saying bad things about me or any Democrats, call 1-800-ASS-KICK and we'll be sure they get punished.
And teachers, from now on I want you to start teaching history focused on Martin Luther King, Jr., George Washington Carver, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Dred Scott, Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks.
If you don't, you'll get fired and your jobs will be given to African Americans.
And religion may not be mentioned in class.
American school children need to learn that Communism is the right way to go, and that starts by taking God away from gullible kids and their stupid parents.
Furthermore, instead of kids saying the Pledge of Allegiance every morning, from now on they'll be reading from Chairman Mao's little red book, followed by gangsta rap music chosen by the White House.

Peace out, kids. Now, you little motherfuckas get your asses to work!


nonnie9999 said...

i hope obama wears a backwards baseball cap and his pants halfway down his ass when he delivers the speech to the kids. a gold cap on one of his front teeth would be a nice touch, too.

Fran said...

What could I add that would be any funnier than your post or nonnie's comment?

And my word verification is "wight."


Karen Zipdrive said...

Not just a gold capped tooth, I want him to wear the whole diamond studded grill, and a giant clock around his neck like Flavor Flav.
And I want him to have a gigantic, Jamaica-style blunt behind one ear.
And I want Michelle there with him wearing no bra, a shiny halter top and hot pants with "juicy" printed on the butt.
And Sasha and Malia should be wearing bikinis and 7" high heels, with lots of make-up, wigs and hoop earrings the size of dinner plates.
And I want Bo the dog to wear a spiked collar and bite all the white people.

Iain said...

Now that would be change! The Republicans might even let him do it, after he submits the first draft of his speech for approval and editing, of course.

Karen Zipdrive said...

That he turned his speech over for scrutiny tells me his puss factor is going off the charts.

Jess Wundrun said...

All over the rightie blogosphere they are talking about the speech as if he's already given it.

The baby jeebus must have read a very advance copy (maybe even 2k years ago when baby jeebus prophesied this black satan would come to be) and then told all the Christians the juicy stuff.

I don't care if he sends out an advance copy. Smart parents can roll it up and whack dipshit parents over the head with it.

Of course I will bet you a baker's dozen of doughnuts that frighties will say that Obama removed all [fictional] references to healthcare due to their great public outcry.

If I believed in god this would be my prayer:

Dear Lawd,
Puhleeeeeze do not let this president get a hummer in the oval office from anyone other than his wife.


Anonymous said...

Oh goodness. Well done indeed!

Distributorcap said...

of all the things the right has done since November - and there are too many to list

this is the most despicable

they are teaching their kids to HATE THE PRESIDENT, HATE BLACK PEOPLE

and the media remains silent on that....

(i think i have my next post)

Karen Zipdrive said...

I wish these ignorant slobs would pull their pasty white KKKids out of school and home school them.
While I'm sure some home schooled kids turn out beautifully, the ones I've seen are even more ignorant than their parents--who were not home schooled.
The Bible is not a textbook, and Jesus would have smited the shit out of these ignorant, racist bastards, for hiding in his skirts while they throw shit at people.

Utah Savage said...

Karen you are one brilliant mistress of parody. This is a kickass post. And you have all the smart readers making better comments than I, so I'll just say, carry on.

Loved the "..pasty white KKKids.." in your comment above. You are fabulous.

HelenWheels said...

You made me bust out laughing about 4-5 times!!! I startled my pups, but they're better now after a cookie.

Holy shit... the fringer whackos are gonna jump on every fucking last thing he does and I bet it keeps ramping up all through his presidency.

If he wants to get anything done he needs to completely ignore the whackos. Apparently, that's not going to happen.

I'm still pissed off about the Van Jones thing. All they did was give Glen Blecccch legitimacy - what the fuck? The guy is just a bloviating loon.

Our mainstream media really needs to go.

Then again... now that Van Jones is out of the administration, he can grow to boycott the bejeeezits out of our corporate-controlled MSM and then we'll be getting somewhere. If they could get 57 advertisers to dump Bleccch, that makes me hopeful.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Van Jones is better off on his own, whipping up our side into action. Arianna Huffington made a case for that today.
Sorry about disturbing your doggies--I'm glad you gave them cookies. Big Sis has a Boston named Dixi and her cookies are stored in a cookie jar shaped like a happy monkey head.