Tuesday, December 17, 2002

The Charmaine and Brian Heidik Story

Hidden microphones in the Heidik household have revealed what happened before Brian took that violent punch to the nose from his buxom bride:

Brian: Honey, I'm home!
Charmaine: Did you win?
B: Uhh, no. I came in third.
C: But I wanted that money!!
B: I know dumpling, but that Helen and Clay outfoxed me!
C: Fuck that shit- you promised me a million dollars!
B: I know, precious, but...
C: But nothing! I need collagen! I need my implants enlarged! I need lipo! The poodle needs grooming! Our little son whatshisname needs, oh I don't know, baby toys or some fucking shit!
B: But you have that white Cadillac, darling!
C: It was used when I got it, you loser!
B: Well, we can get you a later model. We have a '96 on the lot- real sharp!
B: I'm sorry, sugar baby!
C: And look at you! You're too skinny to get any movie jobs! Your nose looks like a pelican beak with that skinny face!
B: Oh but baby, you can do another movie so we can afford all those...
C: Shut up, Pelican Beak!
B: But, but, but!
Charmaine then punches Brian in the nose. BAM!
B: You hit me! I'm... I'm bleeding!
C: Shut up!
B: I'm calling the cops!
C: Go ahead, you used car selling, no-surviving loser!
B: Hello 9-1-1? This is Nicole Simpson. I think you know my husband's record...

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