Thursday, March 06, 2008

Crikey!



Am I crazy not to have liked Steve Irwin when he was alive, and for not liking his kid Bindi now that she's taken over the job of handling disgusting reptiles?
I can't stand reptiles!
Halfway between San Antonio and Austin on IH-35, there's a dump called The Snake House.
I have never visited the joint because I just know it smells like snake shit, which is a substance I plan never to smell as long as I live.
In fact, I think my distaste for the Irwins stems from my obsession about avoiding smelly people, places and things.
He always looked like he'd smell like a heady mixture of B.O.,reptile shit and swamp water. The kid looks like she'd smell like pickles, mud and reptile shit.
Don't get me wrong, I rather like Australians and New Zealanders. I loved that shrimp on the barbie guy, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, The Conchords and Pulp Friction commenter Jane C., despite the fact that she has has abruptly rejected my fumbling romantic advances for the last six or seven years.
I just don't want to go on a walkabout or Out Back with the Irwin kids, where we can catch snakes and crocodiles and fondle them.
Why, just the other day Irwin's toddler son was bitten on the finger by his first snake, and his crazy mother bragged about it.
I think perhaps the Department of Childhood Protection in Australia should look into getting those kids into a safer environment. After Steve Irwin was fatally zapped in the chest by an errant stingray's foot (whatever), seems to me the widow should have said, "Okay, that's it with the fucking nature adventures. The kids will switch to piano lessons and video games."
At least they'd stop smelling like reptile shit.

4 comments:

CLD said...

The kid looks like she'd smell like pickles, mud and reptile shit.

The pickles part killed me. That's exactly what I imaged she'd smell of as well. HA!

dguzman said...

Oh my gosh, I've BEEN TO THE SNAKE HOUSE! It was a total dump even back then in the early '70s when we whined so long that my dad agreed to stop there! Then we just got grossed out.

I can still smell the snake shit. Blech.

Karen Zipdrive said...

I have been to reptile houses at a couple of zoos and I definitely suspect I've gotten a few whiffs of it, too.
It's otherworldly.

Dusty said...

I think Mrs Irwin is playing this for all it's worth..after all..its her bread and butter isn't it? A stage mother is one thing..a mother that encourages this type of behavior with animals that could possibly maim and kill her children..wtf would you call her other than stupid and money-grubbing.

Pathetic if you ask me.