Dancing With the Has-Beens and the Who-Are-They's
In spite of the absolutely tedious cast of dancing "stars" this season, I remain hopelessly addicted to the show.
Let's go over the cast, shall we?
Adam Corolla: He dances like a clown with leg braces. And his crouton teeth look like he'd have really bad breath. He won't last long.
Christian de la Fuente: I don't know this Ricky Ricardo and I don't care who he is back in Chile.
Shannon Elizabeth: Another D-list siliconed no-last-name-havin' starlet whose dancing is as bland as rice crackers. Zzzz. She's got no chance.
Steve Guttenberg: Gosh, I used to kind of like him but it turns out he's a total suck-up with the judges, he uses too many goofy facial expressions when he dances and he has no dancing ability whatsoever. Buh Bye, Steve.
Penn Jillette: Oh my God. Remember when Peter Boyle played Frankenstein in the Mel Brooks movie and danced to "Puttin' on the Ritz"? Say no more.
Monica Seles: Egads. Picture Celene Dion's face with Lisa Lampanelli's nose and a scarecrow's body. She may be a tennis champ but she's a dancing ironing board- quite possibly the worst female ever on DWtS. EVER!(see photo)
Jason Taylor: He's apparently a football player, but the man can dance, plus he's gorgeous. I hereby relinquish my objection to dancing nobodies on this show. He's got a real shot at the title.
Priscilla Presley: Poor thing. She just proves that a woman can be a gazillionaire and still choose the wrong plastic surgeon. Her face is so Botoxed and lifted and stretched and lip-plumped, I keep looking for the candle wick atop her head. She's not a bad dancer- especially for a woman over 60- but that frozen face is so distracting I can't wait till she's off the show.
Marissa Jaret Winokur: Turns out fat girls can dance, and I applaud her ability not to be sweating like crazy afterwards. She's what they call "bubbly," a term used for stumpy, chubby girls who compensate for their bodies with eternal perkiness. She's good, but not good enough to win.
Mario:There should be a law that prohibits showbiz people I've never heard of from using just their first name. Anyway, Mario is a very young hip hop singer (I guess) and he's a helluva dancer. He's a real contender.
Marlee Matlin:After seeing her convincingly hump Jennifer Beales in "The L Word," I can appreciate her acting range. However, I had serious doubts about a stone-deaf woman having the ability to overcome her disability well enough to be a good dancer. But I was wrong. She is a great dancer. Mazel tov!
Kristie Yamaguchi: I was never a big fan of this Olympic skater, but she's an almost-perfect dancer. She's definitely the one to watch this season and she could end up winning the male-dominated title.
Please tell me you are watching this season- then tell me your pick to win.