THE CANCER LESBIAN

To kill a Cancer, wait for a full moon and start to tease her. Tease her about her sentimentality, her mother, her moodiness, her corny hobbies and her haircut. She will probably kill you first, but the guilt will make her kill herself afterwards.
Cancer lesbians are usually very sweet, gentle women. They blush when they see you staring at them across a crowded room.
They kvell when they get attention, acting like it bothers them, but secretly loving it.
They hold everything inside, and when pushed to show too much of themselves, they sidle away until it's safe to come back.
The Cancer lesbian is not after flings and sexual romps. Even the most casual date is measured for her partnership potential, and she doesn't need to sleep with anyone just for kicks. She's the marrying kind, so don't go sniffing around for casual sex.
Cancer's home is a cozy little nest crammed with treasures and sentimental objects they'd rather die than lose. There are usually pets around who get treated like royalty. There will also be yummy things to eat and plenty of wine or other alcohol available.
While Cancers tend to be soft spoken, when they laugh they sound like they are insane.
Maybe the Moon makes then loony, but they all have very weird, often loud laughs.
If you can get one into the bedroom (better be patient), they are sensual, soft and loving. Their emotions blossom during sex, and they are easy to fall in love with.
Cancer lesbians are moody. They might not be bitchy moody, but they can get withdrawn and clam up. Don't bother to try and talk them out of it, either, and whatever you do never, ever intentionally try to piss one off.
To handle Cancer's moods, a few surefire remedies include foot rubs (they all love their own feet, for some reason), chocolate, sentimental music, a little toy, or just some old fashioned space. They won't discuss it, so don't bother trying.
To seduce a Cancer, show her your financial portfolio, introduce her to your mother, let her make the first move, buy her something antique or vintage, be gentle, tell her you dream of having a wife and picket fence one day, and cry with her at the movies.
To dump a Cancer, brag about all the lovers you've had, use terms like 'fuck' and 'piece of ass', flirt with her friends, tell her cooking is awful, and demand she go out to bars with you, several times a week.
You'll soon awaken to an empty house and a note pinned to your pillow, politely telling you to drop dead and go to hell.