Itchin' to Get Inside Your Kitchen

"The Two Fat Ladies," a British cooking show, features two rather large and greasy English ladies who go on location at various schools, churches and other places with kitchens and whip up a variety of traditional English slop.
Their self-performed theme song describes how they "are itchin' to get inside your kitchen."
I always thought that was gross, since they both looked like they would have to scratch themselves a lot.
Which brings me to my point.
I have developed general itchiness for the first time in my life.
Maybe I have seasonal dry skin, maybe it's yet another hormone thing, but for the last two days I have been itchy from neck to foot.
Benydryl just makes me go comatose, and I have things to do today.
After hearing a million remedies from well-meaning friends, I finally soaked in a tub with baking soda and warm water, then greased myself down with Gold Bond Ointment.
It's helping, but I am miffed about having to use any kind of fucking ointment. I smell like someone's old granny.
So now I am thinking about whether I'd want someone who's itchin' to be inside my kitchen.
I think not.
The two fat ladies should have said "twitchin' to get inside your kitchen."
Twitching I can handle. Itching I cannot.