THE VIRGO LESBIAN

To kill a Virgo lesbian, take her CD's and spices out of alphabetical order. Tear a page out of her check register. Remove all the pens and pencils from her purse or briefcase. Speckle paint on several of her T-shirts. Splash water on her medicine cabinet mirror. Make all the pictures on the wall crooked. Tell her she looks sickly and give her a book of medical symptoms. She'll quickly go berserk and off herself.
Virgo lesbians are like pianos. When they are not upright, they are grand.
Virgo is the original "lady in the parlor and whore in the bedroom." Shhhh, don't tell anyone. For them, privacy is a holy sacrament. Especially sexual privacy.
Cursed with Gemini-like mental curiosity, their earthiness grounds them onto some semblance of sanity. Earth also gives them a curiously naughty, ribald sense of humor, which is totally incongruent considering their general prudishness.
The Virgo woman likes things and people tidy and shipshape.
She lives to serve, and will gladly help you clean up your act, your house and car. Messiness makes her edgy. Dirt and germs make her cringe.
She's a modest sort, and she'll bend over backward if you praise her. Criticize her or make her jealous, however, and she will turn into Lady Voldemort and torture you for the rest of your life.
Virgo is a sociable woman, sharp, outspoken and clever. Marcia Clark from the OJ Simpson trial, Sophia Loren and Meryl Streep exemplify Virgo's cool but friendly demeanor.
Virgos have a delightfully kinky sexual secret. They often like a little punishment in the sack. Maybe a little spanking, perhaps a little hot wax, but they all seem to like to pay for their guilty sensual pleasures somehow.
To seduce a Virgo, tell her how hard she works. Let her criticize you and tell her she's being constructive when she starts in. Don't whine or complain. Accept her hypochondria and show sympathy when she gets her next symptoms. Clean your shoes! Don't waste money or show off too much.
To dump a Virgo, be as dramatic as you can. Cry and/or scream at every opportunity.
Smoke cigarettes in her house and burn something like a table top or area rug. Belch. Fart. Tell everyone about your sex life and how kinky she is in private.
That icy chill you'll soon feel won't be the weather.