THE PISCES LESBIAN

Oy. To rid yourself of a Pisces lover, hell I don't know, Pisces all hate me because I am too gruff for their dainty little sensibilities. Just shoot them, I guess.
The Pisces lesbian is usually either a femme or an overly sensitive soft butch.
When I close my eyes and contemplate Pisces, all I see is pink satin with little glittery hearts and filigreed crystal teddy bears and baby ducks. I hear Anne Murray music.
The Pisces lesbian likes her romance dramatic. Think Elizabeth Taylor.
Even the tough ones like lots of goo-goo baby talk, hugs, bubble baths, sunshine, lollipops and roses.
Reality is an inconvenience to most of them. The drudgery of business and bill paying is like splashing ice water in their faces.
Pisces blogmaven Jill Matrix may be glib and fuckable online, but I can assure you she's not handing it out to just any dyke off the streets. For a Pisces to make love, she usually has to be in love, or at least in serious lust.
A Pisces lesbian likes her lover to handle things. She is often too twitchy to deal with the cable guy, the roofer or the loan officer. She needs a strong shoulder to lean on, and if you go through a weak period, it's okay, she'll make believe you are strong until you get your act back together.
Pisces also sometimes likes the wounded bird kind of lover. She's a sympathetic type, so someone who's a drunk, depressed, has writer's block, no job or a bum hip might appeal to the Florence Nightingale in her.
To woo a Pisces lesbian, write her a sonnet, in calligraphy on parchment. Tie it with a lacy pink ribbon. Take her to a sad movie and cry your eyes out so she can see how sensitive you are. If you see a wounded animal on the roadside, pull over and pick it up and rush it to the vet, no matter how gross it is. You can't get too mushy with a Pisces, so lay it on thick.
To dump a Pisces, be gruff. Bitch about her impractical ways. Tell her about the zillion sex partners you've had. Tell her of all the lovers you've had, she's the most...recent.
That high pitched screaming you hear will be her, while she's methodically cutting all your pants in half.