Monday, August 19, 2002

Enough Politics...Let's Talk Plumbing!

I couldn't stand the dripping pipe and the cake pan in my bathroom collecting the drips for one more moment. It was time to face up to my wussy butch ways and conquer them once and for all!
So I sat on the bathtub's edge and I did a technical drawing of the pipe as it connected to the floor, the little elbow that connected to the turner-offer, and the way that connected to the little hose, then what the thing looked like that connected the little hose to the toilet tank. It was a damn fine drawing, in the style of da Vinci.
I took the drawing to a nice man named Nacho at the Faucet Parts store. He sold me the exact parts, only I said the hose I needed was longer. He said no. I said yes. He sold me a longer hose. He was right, so I went back moments later and returned the longer one for the shorter one.
It was time to turn off the main water supply, located in a ceramic pipe buried in my front lawn.
The pipe was filled with dirt. As I kneeled over the pipe, scooping out dirt with my stainless steel chef's ladle, a convention of red ants started arriving, mistaking the new little piles of dirt for real estate they own. They also assumed I would dispute that claim, so they began to bite me like crazy little sons of bitches.
But I was not deterred from my task.
Minutes later, I unearthed the faucet and began to fight it, chanting "lefty loosey, righty tighty." With a screwdriver, hammer and some big extendo pliers, I was able to stem the flow to my house.
Then I went back to the bathroom, emptied the tank and unwrenched the existing fucked up parts. Yes, I did soak the floor, but that's okay because THE NEW PARTS FIT!
I turned the water back on outside (4 new ant bites) came back in, turned the little faucet on and the tank filled, no drips, no leaks and no more problem.
I am the master of my domain. I do plumbing repairs and I OWN A BIG WRENCH!
I am STILL a threat to Techfluid's marriage! :)

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