Okay. I'm depressed.
I seem to have slipped into a medium strength depression. It's not bad, but I can feel the effects creeping up on me.
See, a few weeks ago, I got involved with someone who was at the tail-end of her relationship with a woman who had not made her happy in some time.
As we became closer and more intimate, her abysmal relationship suddenly revived.
Sadly, I had to scoop up my bruised heart and mangled pride and bail out.
She wrote me a hyperperky letter the next morning, hoping we could remain friends. It was too soon and too cavalier. I replied in a *somewhat* curmudgeonly way.
Rumor has it, she was offended. Apparently she forgot about my curmudgeonly tendencies. Or maybe she just didn't get how much she'd hurt my feelings.
I miss her and I care about her, but I am neither going to be anyone's other woman nor treated in a cavalier way, so here I am, wrapped in my tattered self esteem.
Joan Armatrading wrote the ultimate song for this wretched situation called, "The Weakness in Me." When one is at the receiving end of this song, it's depressing as hell. And here I am, on the receiving end, getting depressed as hell.
I have tried to remedy the situation with VISA therapy.
I ordered a bunch of books about Frida Kahlo, who had her own love problems with Diego Rivera. And I ordered Dusty Springfield's Greatest Hits on CD, so I can have the right background music for my dismay.
I guess the answer song for "The Weakness in Me" is Joni Mitchell's "The Last Time I Saw Richard," where she sang:
'I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I don't want nobody coming over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way someday
Hiding behind bottles in dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days..."
Yep. Depression is only a phase and I have faced and conquered it a hundred times.
Still, I wish it was a chore I could avoid.
White meat peaches are in season and champagne is always available. I think a blender full of icy cold Bellinis might just take the edge off...or maybe a trip to some dark cafe, since it is raining outside, and brooding conditions are ideal.