The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin
As a service to Pulp Friction readers, our team of crack investigative reporters have infiltrated a fortified igloo somewhere west of Wasilla, Alaska and discovered this secret diary, hidden in a pile of US Weekly and People magazines.
OMG I can't beeelieve that John S. McCane has actually chosen me to be his Vee Pee!!!!!
Its all so surrealistic, being on the stage of the highest place ever, the Republican convention!!!!
And I rocked it, baby!!!
I had some help on my speech from that hilarious Karl Rove and believe me, that dude's a genious!!!
So, earlier before the convention I got to meet John McCane and let me tell you, that guy may be old but he's got a pocket full of Viagra he showed me. YUCK!!!
He kept saying we needed good luck victory hugs, but after 4 really really long ones I was like, whoa dude!!!
His wife Cindy is cool but she's kinda like out to lunch. And I met Laura Bush too and she's like a total hick with that weirdo accent from Texas. Yuck!!!
Anyways, the media is just awful and they are so like after me like a pack of wolves after a wounded moose calf. So I asked John for Dick Cheney's cell phone number but he told me Dick only took messages and he'd relay his response through someone else.
So I said ask him what to do about the media. And 4 hours later John said Dick said it was ok to not talk to them at all!!!! How cool is that????!!!!
Meanwhile, Sambo and his sidekick Hairplugs are doing all kindsa stoopid ads and really pissing me off big time!!!!
Nevermind all that, I think I looked smokin hot at the speech. I told my chief of staff to create a new budget for wardrobe and make up another name for it, like "guberatorial emergency preparedness fund" so nobody tries to get on me about it. But Jeeze its not like im not bringing Alaska all kindsa great publicity and all!
Finally Todd has said he's mister mom because the LAST thing I have time for right now is keeping an eye on all those damn kids. Especially that retarded baby of Bristol's. Oops I mean "special needs baby" I gotta be careful what I say because the damn liberal media is so P.C. about crap like that!!!
Oh and here's a great LOL for ya. I was wearing Bristol's daisy dukes and bent over picking something up in the hallway and guess who came by and patted my butt? Yes, Levi. He apologized and said it was "an accident." Suuuuure it was, Studly Doright!!!! LOLZ!!!
And back to the stupid liberals, I hate those liberal bitches from that old timey group Heart because they went apeshit that I used Barracuda as my theme song. Liberal whores, probably queer too, especially that big fat one!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope when I become VEE PEE they like having their taxes audited, those liberal whores.
Well, I gotta go soon, Todd is making moose stew, trying to kiss up to me as he should!!!!
Laters!!! From the next VEE PEE of the United States of America!!!!! :)
Sarah!! Make the Sarah Palin VEE PEE!!!!!!!!!