Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin, Part II



Jeeze I love being a Republican superstar!!!!
I mean, all this troopergate horse puckey was really buggin' me until Dick Cheney (bless his heart) said, "Don't talk to the investigators--tell 'em the whole thing is tainted."
TAINTED!!!
Gotta love the way he thinks, eh?
So I tell John that the investigation is tainted and I won't be a party to anything tainted--not moose meat,not mucktuck and not a phony, baloney investigation thats like totally tainted!!!
Well Johns face lit up and he said that was brilliant!!!
I didn't mention Dick, I need all the credit for being brilliant as I can get!!!
Anyways, troopergate is behind me now so onward and upward.
Todd is getting a big head and he needs to be brought back down to earth. Hes getting alot of facetime with the medias and he even bought one of those fancy beard trimmers. Hes going Hollyweird on me!!! I dont think so!!!
And those darn kids, well at least Track is off to war, now all I gotta do is deal with the rest of them--well, Todd does but I get a weekly report on them I gotta read, like I have time for that!!!
Bristol was going on and on about prenatal care and I sat her down and told her that natal means astrology and thats the devils realm. No way no how is she gonna start in on that!!!
And Todd told me he caught Willow and that idiot Billy dry humping in the rumpus room and I said he better lower the boom on that stuff right quick!!!
And Piper she keeps licking that babys head and Todd and I agree that she prolly needs more salt in her diet. So he got her a giant bag of Doritos in exchange for her not licking that babys head.
Well I sure am a hit around Wasilla lately. At the Cadillac Cafe the owner actually saved some prime moose nose for me and thats usually reserved for eskimo elders. Well let me say it was delish!!!
And thank God for the Internets because I need some wardrobe fast. Being on the campaign trail requires I look sharp as all get out and jeeze there is no good shopping in Wasilla.
I tried to ask Condi Rice where she gets all her fab clothes and shoes n' such but she is like on a total ego trip and uppity as can be. Alls I can say is she better have another job lined up because she's outta there come November!!!
Ooops gotta go- Tucker Bounds is on the phone!!!

14 comments:

Randal Graves said...

These are so fucked up. Thus, good.

Robert Rouse said...

Karen, I have decided I know more about the Constitution than Sarah. I bet she doesn't even realize that today is Constitution Day.

Spartacus said...

Heh... How in the hell did you get inside of Palin's head. Did you plant one of those RFID thingies when she was asleep?

dguzman said...

Zip's a fucking mind-reader. Do me! Do me!

*moment of blushing*

Um--I mean--read my mind, Zip. Read my mind.

Lulu Maude said...

Whatta voice!

Wicked good!

Dusty said...

What is the name of that harlot that ran the registrar in FL and thus changed the course of history?

My memory these days..it ain't what it used to be. ;p

Dusty said...

Anyway..Sarah is the new 'her'.

Katherine....whats-her-name!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Harris.

Dusty said...

Thank You.

Fran said...

PS Some idiot hacked my yahoo e mail account, and now I have e mail from left wing crazies. I tell you, people in Alaska are not like the lower 48. Maybe we should secede?

nonnie9999 said...

lololololol!!!! the part about licking the baby's head made me pee!

bigsis said...

Between you hacking into Palin's secret diary and now the Alaska Women Reject Palin rally being such a huge success, I'm feeling hopeful again, thanks Zip.

Distributorcap said...

maybe sarah can do a reading of her diaries on broadway

the moose vagina monologues

FranIAm said...

Oh that is rich, rich, rich.

You've got mad skills sister, mad skills.