Tuesday, September 02, 2008

"Ya Fuck With Me, I'll Kick Your Ass."



Meet the other half of America's Newest Sweethearts, Levi Johnston, a 17-year-old senior at Wasilla high school. His hobbies include hockey, fucking, riding dirt bikes and snowboarding.
The father-to-be described himself on his MySpace page as, "a fuckin' redneck" who "likes to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess."
His motto is "Ya fuck with me I'll kick your ass."
He also claims to be "in a relationship," but stated, "I don't want kids."
Well, I'm sure he's changed his mind now that his bride to be Bristol Palin is with child.
Sources tell me the happily engaged couple are registered for gifts at these fine stores in Wasilla: Arctic Custom Gun Shop, Three Rivers Guns and Tackle, Dangerous Curves Lingerie and Bridal, Pitter Patter Children's Boutique and WalMart.

18 comments:

Matty Boy said...

I'm not as convinced as you are about the Irish Twins theory, Karen. I think The Official Story of the miraculous labor of Sarah Palin is good enough to keep hammering away at, and I'm going to assume it's true until proven false.

As for the baby daddy, he makes me so proud that I too have a y chromosome. It chokes me up.

Karen Zipdrive said...

That's okay, Matty.
I just keep thinking of two photos- one of Sarah Palin taken one month before she "delivered" with zero signs of pregnancy, and that family photo taken sometime last winter where Bristol was wearing the light green sweater with the belly bulge.

Robert Rouse said...

I bet his parents are so proud. I know his mommy-in-law to be is proud of him. He's obviously smart since he has carnal knowledge. And obviously a little carnal knowledge goes a long way.

By the way, can you advise us on when is the right age to start teaching your child how to use the word "fuck" as a noun, verb, and adverb?

It reminds me of a language lesson I learned at an early age. The difference between a noun and a verb. The word hump for example is a noun when it the thing on a camel's back, unless of course that thing is another camel, then it's a verb!

Robert Rouse said...

That should read "when it's the thing on a camel's back ..." I just washed my fingers and can't do a thing with with 'em.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Now that was funny.

DCup said...

Sorry to go off topic here, but I've got to say this:

Good looking kid - he'll get some sort of celebrity out of this before it's over.

Because, you know, the "conservative" American public is all over the high culture.

It ain't the likes of me and my liberal self keeping bad reality t.v. alive.....

Karen Zipdrive said...

Oh I think the Palin family drama is rife with materials for a reality show.
In fact, when Palin is forced to drop out of this race and Troopergate gets her thrown out of the governor's office, it would not surprise me a bit if they all agreed to do a creepy tell-all reality show for MTV, E, Bravo or VH1.

BrettInPDX said...

Karen: "...Frank Zappa's ghost...","....Peyton Place in an igloo...","...fine stores in Wasilla..."
On a good day, your ability to produce belly laughs from me is second only to Sadly, No! When you've got the kind of material the Repugs are now supplying daily, NO ONE can touch you!!!!
Bravo, my Friend!!!!

Karen Zipdrive said...

Glad I made you laugh, Brett.
I have to thank McCain for hitting such a humor rich vein of gold with this dizzy broad he chose.
It'd be impossible to make this stuff up.

HelenWheels said...

KZ you crack me UP lady!!! Holy crap, truly inspired...

I'm blogrolling you today, is that cool?

kirby said...

Too bad he's already taken. Somewhere, Larry Craig and Mark Foley are engaged in a battle royale over the chance to meet this fresh young Republican.

Matty Boy said...

Dcup is right, this is reality TV at its finest. This young man is about to finds out that shotguns aren't just for bird huntin' anymore. They're useful for marriage arrangin', too!

The problem is, reality TV is a very tricky, hit or miss proposition. Just as Denise Richards.

karenzipdrive said...

Sure Helen, thanks.

Kirby, I'm sure they're both quite titilated but Larry Craig called first dibs because Idaho is closer to Alaska.

Matty, I'd watch the show, wouldn't you? It's have to be better than 'Growing Up Gotti' and I watched that trashy show plenty of times.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You got one ass whuppin' coming to you for writing this. I'd act accordingly and take all necessary precautions if I were you.

karenzipdrive said...

Not to worry Monkey, if Levi comes at me I'll just distract him with porn. He apparenly likes sex a lot.

Lulu Maude said...

I think the reality TV is a solid bet.

There's been such a vacuum since Anna Nicole died.

Sonia said...

one word : yuck

FranIAm said...

"Ya fuck with me and I'll knock ya up."

That is his motto.

I was out this evening and on the way home listened to RNC on NPR, where they said that Bristol and Fuckup oops I mean Levi, might appear at the convention.

Eew ick. They will try to twist this to their advantage- the GOP, not the two fuckwad teenagers.

Watch the GOP close ranks around the Palins.

It makes me sick.