Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A New View of Texas Politicians

While Texas has been saddled with some very inept GOP politicians, we Democrats can feel pride with those we elected.
I've had the pleasure of meeting both Congress Reps. Lee and Doggett, and I think my readers outside of Texas should see them in action.

Monday, September 29, 2008

"Over $500,000?"

From the AP:
"The rescue would only be open to companies who deny their executives "golden parachutes" and limit their pay packages. Firms that got the most help through the program-- $300 million or more _ would face steep taxes on any compensation for their top people over $500,000."

Call me crazy, but if a firm is requesting a bailout, then why would any of their "top people" still be making more than $500,000?
Shouldn't that kind of extraordinary compensation be reserved for finance executives who've done a good job and kept their firms solvent?
Are any executives of failing money firms really worth that kind of money?
Hell no.
If I were in the legislature and working on this bailout bill, I'd insist that no executive of a failed or failing financial institution or insurance mammoth make more than 500 percent of their lowest paid employee. If a janitor makes $20,000, then the CEO gets $100,000.
Then let them earn substantial merit increases if they start to perform sensibly.
And let's stop calling it a rescue bill!
A rescue is when an innocent victim is in distress.
A bailout is when someone fucks up and gets into trouble.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Can Tina Fey Get Any Better?

Palin: Some Fads Don't Last

I'm almost embarrassed to admit it, but when I was 15 my first girlfriend and I went down to the Municipal Auditorium in San Antonio to see Tiny Tim in concert.
He was all the rage back then, and we felt sort of hip going to see the New York Jewish hippy with the dubious sexual orientation.
Alas, once he regaled the crowd with his smash hit, "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" we were forced to sit through several more of his falsetto renditions until the concert came to its ignoble end.
The Republicans, thirsty for some kind of--any kind of-- relief from the ennui and the mediocrity of their slate of candidates, welcomed Sarah Palin to the ticket, hoping she'd galvanize the evangelicals who didn't care for McCain's philandering or his pandering to nuts like John Hagee.
Sarah Barracuda was purty, witty and like McCain, fashioned herself as a true maverick!
Having had two sisters who lived in Fairbanks for a time, anyone who can brave that climate and endure 23 hours of darkness in the winter and 23 hours of daylight in the summer would be a maverick by lower 48 standards.

But, like Tiny Tim, we've had enough time to gawk at Palin and listen to her warble, and the novelty has worn thin.
When Tim sensed his 15 minutes were waning, he conned Miss Vicki into marrying him on The Tonight Show. Johnny Carson was happy to host the wedding. He knew a ratings boost when he saw one.
And so it is with Sarah Palin, who, rumor has it, is planning a pre-election shotgun wedding between her pregnant daughter Bristol and her self-described "fuckin' redneck" fiancee/baby daddy Levi Johnston.
Oh yes we will watch, just like we watched Tiny Tim marry Miss Vicki.
And we will talk about it the next day as well.
But what Palin and her Grandpa McCain don't understand is, the talk won't be flattering.
It'll be as lurid as the circumstances merit.
It'll be about trailer trash and bad parenting and doom forecasting for the survival of the marriage.
It'll be just like Tiny Tim marrying the hapless Miss Vicki- a train wreck we got to watch.

And it will only prove once again that the Palins are the laughingstock of anyone with even half a brain.
McCain=Bush. For Reals.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

McCain at the Debate

Of course I'm going to call the first debate for Obama, but I have reasons for that decision and here they are.

1. McCain said nothing to convince me his policies would be any different than those of Bush, the worst president in American history.
2. McCain was rude and condescending. Refusing to even look at Obama was either a sign of disrespect or an inferiority complex, neither of which are desirable in a president.
3. I'd much rather hear an argument where one party acknowledges similar views than hear someone keep saying, "he just doesn't get it." With McCain's views dovetailing Bush's 90% of the time, it's he who just doesn't get it.
4. I am sick of watching McCain's grouchy expressions and hearing his grumbling speech. He's not the image we want the world seeing at the helm of American government.
5. McCain is too goddamn old. He couldn't get a management job at any Fortune 500 country for a reason: his age.
6. McCain is tied in too much with the failed policies of the past. They didn't work. They won't work. Either evolve or move over, old man.
7. He had to mention his POW status again. Forty years is a long time- get over it, you bitter old bastard.
8. McCain whimpered when he mentioned loving the veterans. Yet he voted against every bill to enhance their care and benefits. He's a stinking liar who betrayed the veterans and the record reflects that.
9. Trickle down economics was how Reagan began America's economic decline, and it has proven to be a miserably failed policy. McCain still believes in it. That makes him stubborn and stupid.
10. When McCain quickly answered, "Sure!" when asked if he'd vote for the bailout bill, that reply totally negated his phony claims of "suspending his campaign" to rush back to DC to work on the solution. The GOP could ask for $700 zillion and McCain would vote for it, probably without bothering to read it.
11. Any claims McCain made about creating a framework for sustainable energy laws were fraudulent. He hasn't bothered to vote in the Senate on anything involving energy for the last year or more. He couldn't care less about his words not matching his deeds.
12. McCain didn't mention that the surge involved bribing warring factions not to fight in Iraq on a daily basis with cash. That's the dirty secret no Republican wants you to hear.
13. McCain thinks that 'muddling through' in Afghanistan was and is a workable plan. He's woefully out of touch on that.
14. McCain seems to think that his lack of Senatorial congeniality- even among his GOP peers- is an advantage of some sort. Taking pride in not getting along with others is not a positive character trait, it is a flaw that nobody should accept as acceptable behavior.
15. Blaming, lying about and insulting one's opponent is not a campaign strategy, it is a sign of McCain having no plans of his own to address the myriad issues that plague our nation today, so he tried to put the focus elsewhere.
Fortunately, focusing on Obama's measured replies and composure under pressure made him seem more temperamentally suited to lead our nation.

To McCain's credit, he didn't make an outright fool of himself with any major gaffes last night. But neither did he say anything that distinguished him significantly from George W. Bush.

If anyone actually approves of the last 8 years under Bush's "leadership," then they should by all means vote for McCain. Simply put, McCain=Bush.
Make no mistake about that.

Friday, September 26, 2008

A Steaming Pile of Shit.

I've been trying to think of a way to frame my disgust over McCain's flagrant lies, gimmicks and pseudo-drama, not to mention Palin's ever-expanding gaffes, moronic statements and general cuntiness...then it hit me.
Some things are so obvious, it's hard to describe them in words without stating the obvious.
You see a pile of shit on the road and you might say, "Pee YOO" or "That stinks like shit!"
You are stating the obvious, so it may be best to just suffer in silence.
You watch a guy picking his nose at a red light and you say, "Look at that guy picking his nose! Does he think we can't see him? GROSS!"
Another obvious reaction. It might be better to nudge and point, then snicker.
You see a 400-pound woman eating a banana split and you say, "Oh my God! How can she do that to herself?"
Some things are so damned obnoxious and obvious, words are not necessary because nobody likes to see fresh shit, or nose pickers, or gross stuff in general.
Likewise, nobody likes to listen to bad liars, phonies or dumb people pretending to be smart.

So, here's what I've got to say about the McCain/Palin ticket.

If anyone in America still plans to vote for these two fucking liars and fools, it's because they can't or won't vote for a Black man.
What else could it be?
It's because their racial hatred and intolerance trumps their love of nation, their common sense and their sense of decency.
Anyone who votes for McCain & Palin is an intolerant, racist, steaming pile of shit--voting AGAINST Obama rather than for the doddering old fart and his stupid cunt of a running mate.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Letterman's Words of Wisdom

This clip is a little lengthy, but once you get past the first part where Letterman gives McCain credit for being a "war hero," Letterman blasts him for being a chickenshit with a really bad running mate.

Remember when the economy used to be strong back in the Clinton era?
Well, here's what it looks like now.
Thanks, BushCo.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'll Find Ya Some

When lightweight Katie Couric can kick you ass, you are way out of your league, Sarah.
If Democrats Were Republicans

What If She Was Given Truth Serum?

Let's pretend that Sarah Palin agreed to sit down in matching armchairs for an interview with crack reporter Karen Zipdrive.
Now let's pretend that Karen slipped a large dose of sodium pentathol into Sarah's Diet Mountain Dew.
Here's their interview:

KZ: Governess Palin, why is it that the McCain camp seems to keep you from being interviewed or questioned by reporters?
SP: Welp, Karen, see, the thing is, I'm kinda sorta behind the learning curb in international stuff.
KZ: Such as?
SP: Welp, ya see, I'm so far behind, Karen, I'm not even that sure what I don't know.
KZ: Yet you feel ready to be president if (God forbid) anything happens to Sen. McCain?
SP: Oh, your darn tootin' I do, Karen. Yeppers!
KZ: Based on what?
SP: Welp, Karen, any new job has its learning curb- so like Bill Clinton said, is anyone really ready to be president?
KZ: You consider the presidency to be 'any job'?
SP: Oh H-E-double hockey sticks no, Karen! It's like the bestest job you can get! Free travel, good pay, free rent, a limo, plus you don't have to take shit from anyone!!!
KZ: Would you feel confident confronting enemy nations?
SP: The question is, Karen, do they feel lucky confronting me? I mean come on, Karen, we got more bombs than Alaska has wolves. Do you think the Afghanese or the Pinkos or the ChingChong countries out there won't think I'll push the gol'darn red button, Karen?
KZ: So you advocate force before diplomacy?
SP: Welp, Karen, it's like this. When my kids do something wrong, a good smack upside the head gets their attention. Then after that, they listen.
KZ: So you consider enemy nations like recalcitrant children?
SP: If recalcitrant means bad, Karen, then yes I do!
KZ: So basically, you'd run America on a 'my way or the highway' system?
SP: HEL-LO!? We are the most popular, cutest and richest country on Earth, Karen. These terrorist countries have gotten too big for their britches, so what's wrong with turning a few of them into parking lots so's the other ones get the message?
KZ: How's that diet Mountain Dew, can I get you a refill?
SP: Hey, if it's free, why the heck not?
KZ: Indeed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

No Press? Okay, Then No Photos, Bitch.

The media has finally had enough.

With the McCain camp insisting that the media be allowed to photograph Palin but not ask her any questions or cover her meetings with "foreign dignitaries," the media finally grew a pair and said thanks but no thanks to Palin's ridiculously trivial, self aggrandizing photo ops.

Fuck that moose murdering bitch.
Are we supposed to be that gullible, to think it's okay that the ignorant bitch doesn't have to answer media questions or be accountable for anything but a semi-pretty face?

Yeah, well. If Palin looked like her shitty personality, here's what we'd see:

I say: no, no, no!
Is McCain Fuckin' Kidding Us?

(Courtesy Huff Po) The lobbying firm of the man Republicans say John McCain has chosen to begin planning a presidential transition earned more than a quarter of a million dollars this year representing Freddie Mac, one of the companies McCain blames for the nation's financial crisis.

Timmons & Co., whose founder and chairman emeritus is William Timmons Sr., was registered to lobby for Freddie Mac from 2000through this month, when the federal government took over both Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.

Newly available congressional records show Timmons's firm received $260,000 this year before its lobbying activities were barred under terms of the government rescue of the failed mortgage giant. Timmons, 77, is listed as a lobbyist for Freddie Mac on the company's midyear financial-disclosure form..."

McCain chooses a crook even older than he is to lead his transition team?
Some transition, John.
I just hope the White House is equipped with handicap toilets and plastic covering the chairs, because old geezers like Timmons and McCain will piss themselves once they get the keys to the country.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Keith Olbermann: Keeping it Real

I don't like liars, but when liars get caught and keep repeating the same lies anyway, that puts them in a special category of scumbags.
Sarah, you kept the money for the Bridge to Nowhere, so you didn't say thanks but no thanks. Liar.
You didn't sell the state jet on eBay. Liar.
You are all about pork barreling. Liar.
That ain't your baby. Liar.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

11 Trillion Dollars in Debt

This is how far Bush and his Republican party has run America into debt.
Calulate the interest we'll be paying on this.
Then, if you still plan to vote for another Republican and his imbecilic VP, kindly amass that amount of interest in Monopoly money, roll it into a cylinder and stick it up your ass.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Adios, You Annoying Dimwit

It seems Elisabeth Hasslehog may be leaving "The View" to anchor "news" at Fox News channel, where her neo-con numbscullery will be more welcome.
First, she appears on CBS reality show "Survivor," where she ate bugs and scratched mosquito bites in a filthy bikini.
Then, Barbara Walters chooses her to join the cast of The View as the token right-wing idiot.
So of course she's qualified to become a news anchor at Fox- she's blonde, under 40 and stupider than even George Bush. At Fox, there is no journalism experience required--in fact, it would be a hindrance.
I'm happy for her.
That way I can ignore the bitch the same way I ignore Fox News 24/7. I say keep all those fascist neo-con idiots corralled on one cable TV station.
I just hope Rupert Murdoch makes her put out.
"This Is No Time For Partisanship."
-George W. Bush

Yesterday when Bush decided to come down from Mount Clueless and speak about the mammoth Federal bailouts he's offering all his fellow Scull n' Bones buddies in the corner offices, he was certain to punctuate his brief statement with, "This is no time for partisanship."


Nope, this is not about bipartisanship failure, it's about eight years of Republican dominance in the Executive Branch and six years in both Houses.

Yesterday on my ride down the elevator at work, I met a man who disagreed with my quip that the slow moving elevator was probably McCain's fault. He then followed me outside where we engaged in a highly partisan debate.

So crazy wrong was he on every issue, I finally said, "Sir, I don't mean to be disrespectful by laughing in your face, but frankly I don't see how you can keep a straight face yourself."

I finally ended it by shaking his hand, introducing myself and saying good luck. I resisted the urge to punch him because I didn't want to further injure his brain.

Partisanship is what got us into this mess. Republicans put party before country and cronyism before everything.

Fortunately, I did manage to convince a young married woman whom I met in the ladies' room later that day that Palin's extremist views would put women back to making 33 cents on the man's dollar. I added that she'd better stock up on birth control, because under Palin more and more pharmacists would have the legal option not to dispense it. Then I garnished it by saying she better never get raped and conceive, else she'd add a rapist's baby to her brood.
She told me she was a financial planner.
I asked if that involved working with clients who had finances to plan beyond those they needed for basics like food, clothing and shelter.
She got my points.

Bush managed to squander the budget surplus Clinton left us, then rack up astronomical, insane deficits. He ruined an economy that was in good shape.
With McCain backing Bush more than 90 percent of the time, imgine what he'll do to an economy already in tatters.
Or even worse, imagine what President Palin might do.

Friday, September 19, 2008

She's Getting WAY Ahead of Herself

Has it occurred to anyone that the GOP put the much-loathed McCain out there as their nominee so he'd lose and a Democrat would have to face the economic disasters caused by the GOP?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin, Part II

Jeeze I love being a Republican superstar!!!!
I mean, all this troopergate horse puckey was really buggin' me until Dick Cheney (bless his heart) said, "Don't talk to the investigators--tell 'em the whole thing is tainted."
Gotta love the way he thinks, eh?
So I tell John that the investigation is tainted and I won't be a party to anything tainted--not moose meat,not mucktuck and not a phony, baloney investigation thats like totally tainted!!!
Well Johns face lit up and he said that was brilliant!!!
I didn't mention Dick, I need all the credit for being brilliant as I can get!!!
Anyways, troopergate is behind me now so onward and upward.
Todd is getting a big head and he needs to be brought back down to earth. Hes getting alot of facetime with the medias and he even bought one of those fancy beard trimmers. Hes going Hollyweird on me!!! I dont think so!!!
And those darn kids, well at least Track is off to war, now all I gotta do is deal with the rest of them--well, Todd does but I get a weekly report on them I gotta read, like I have time for that!!!
Bristol was going on and on about prenatal care and I sat her down and told her that natal means astrology and thats the devils realm. No way no how is she gonna start in on that!!!
And Todd told me he caught Willow and that idiot Billy dry humping in the rumpus room and I said he better lower the boom on that stuff right quick!!!
And Piper she keeps licking that babys head and Todd and I agree that she prolly needs more salt in her diet. So he got her a giant bag of Doritos in exchange for her not licking that babys head.
Well I sure am a hit around Wasilla lately. At the Cadillac Cafe the owner actually saved some prime moose nose for me and thats usually reserved for eskimo elders. Well let me say it was delish!!!
And thank God for the Internets because I need some wardrobe fast. Being on the campaign trail requires I look sharp as all get out and jeeze there is no good shopping in Wasilla.
I tried to ask Condi Rice where she gets all her fab clothes and shoes n' such but she is like on a total ego trip and uppity as can be. Alls I can say is she better have another job lined up because she's outta there come November!!!
Ooops gotta go- Tucker Bounds is on the phone!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Makes Me Wanna Burn Mine

Yep, here's proof he invented it way back in the day.

You Know You're a Reprehensible GOP Scumbag When...

...Fox News goes after you for lying!
I was so assured about the outcome of this election when I saw Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly trying to pin the slippery slimeball McCain spokeswimp Tucker Bounds.
If I may translate his childish replies into language more apropos:

"I know you are but what am I?"
"He did it first!"
"He started it!"
"I'm rubber, you're glue..."
"Did not."
"Did not."
"Why are you picking on me?"
"No fair!"
I know you are but what am I?"

All we really need to know about Tucker Bounds is that he was Quick Draw McGraw Dick Cheney's Baba Louie.

And baby, when Fox News implies that a neo-con is a lying sack of shit, that sack is enormous, fetid and spilling out all over.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Thanks, Sarah Palin!

With her boundless confidence and ability to create experience and know-how out of whole cloth, I started thinking about things I can do that, using Palin's logic, make me an expert!

-I can send e-mail and I'm a blogger, therefore I am an IT expert.
-I know when my shoes hurt my feet so that makes me a podiatrist.
-I have dated a lot of women so that makes me a gynecologist.
-I love to give advice so call me a psychotherapist.
-I mow my lawn occasionally, so I am a landscape architect.
-I balance my checkbook so call me an economist.
-I go grocery shopping so that makes me a consumer expert.
-I can cook so call me Chef Karen, and my home Chez Zipdrive.
-I take care of my cats so I'm a veterinarian.
-I drive fast so that makes me a professional racer.
-I give political opinions so call me an editorialist or pundit.
-I arranged my own furniture so that makes me an interior decorator.
-I manage all my own prescription drugs so call me a pharmacist.
-I live 250 miles from Mexico so I am a foreign policy expert.
-I own three pieces of gym equipment so that makes me a fitness trainer.
-I have friends in New York so that makes me a 9-11 victim.
-I can roll a decent joint, so call me a drug czar.
-I change light bulbs so that makes me a building superintendent.
-I give old clothes to charity so call me a philanthropist.
-I know how to light fireworks so that makes me a rocket scientist.

I'd list more things but I have to go to work, so that makes me an efficiency expert.
Liar Liar, Saggy Old Pants on Fire

It's obviously by now McCain has nothing to offer America.
Even Alan Greenspan said his tax plan is ridiculous.
Banks and mortgage companies are falling like dominoes.
Bushmccain is firing on our "ally" Pakistan, then wondering why their ground troops are shooting at our bombers.
Enough of the lies!
Enough of the bullshit!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Don't Be a Fucking Idiot

I'm not elite by any means.
I live by choice in Texas, one of America's reddest states.
I own three pairs of cowboy boots, I eat red meat and I know how to shoot pool and drink beer.
Having established my credentials as a regular Jane who might be fun to have a beer with, let me say with full confidence if you're planning to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket, you're a fucking idiot.
If you watched Charlie Gibson's interview with Sarah Palin and came away with a positive impression of her, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think it doesn't matter that she didn't know what the Bush Doctrine was, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Palin and McCain are mavericks, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think either of them can save our rapidly declining economy, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think it's okay that they intend to continue Bush's folly in spending $10 billion a month in Iraq, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Palin is right in destroying a woman's right to choose, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Palin is any smarter than George W. Bush, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Troopergate and Librarygate and all the other scandals surrounding Palin are fictitious, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think McCain and Palin will prevent gas prices from rising ever higher, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think either of them actually represent the teachings of Jesus Christ and live by His example, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think being able to see Russia from her home in Wasilla qualifies Palin as an authority on foreign policy, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think McCain is still young and bright enough to endure the rigors of being president, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think he has a suitable temperament to be president, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Hillary supporters will switch their allegiance to Palin just because she's a woman, you're a fucking idiot.
If you have not been thoroughly offended by the outlandish lies and slanderous claims made by the GOP ticket against Obama, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think the news media has been biased in favor of Obama, you're a fucking idiot.
If you think Palin's slim experience in governing a state with fewer than a million residents somehow qualifies her to be vice president of the United States, you're a fucking idiot.

If you think I am harming Obama's chances by name calling, you're a fucking idiot, because the GOP have proven conclusively that negativity and petty name calling works.

Don't be a fucking idiot. Say no to McCain & Palin.
Tina Fey is a Genius

Bering Straight Talk


I’ve been in Alaska only a week, but I’m already feeling ever so much smarter about Russia.

I can’t quite see it from my hotel window, but, hey, I know it’s out there somewhere, beyond all the stuffed bears and cruise ships and glaciers and oil derricks.

The proximity of the country from which William Seward bartered to buy Alaska for $7 million — Seward’s icebox — is so illuminating that I suddenly realize that we would commit a grave error by overestimating Russia’s economic strength. After all, it represents only 2.8 percent of the world’s G.D.P., even though its gross domestic product has ballooned from $200 billion in 1999 to $1.7 trillion this year.

But I overanalyze.

An Arctic blast of action has swept into the 2008 race, making thinking passé. We don’t really need to hurt our brains studying the world; we just need the world to know we’re capable of bringing a world of hurt to the world if the world continues to be hell-bent on misbehaving.

Two weeks after being thrown onto a national ticket, and moments after being speed-briefed by McCain foreign-policy advisers, our new Napoleon in bunny boots (not the Pamela Anderson kind, but the knock-offs of the U.S. Army Extreme Cold Weather Vapor Barrier Boots) is ready to face down the Russkies and start a land war over Georgia, and, holy cow, what business is it of ours if Israel attacks Iran?

The trigger-happy John McCain has indeed found a soul mate. Trigger squared. In Fairbanks on Thursday, at a deployment ceremony for her son who is going to Iraq, Governor Palin followed the lead of McCain and W. in fusing Osama bin Laden’s diabolical work on 9/11 and the mission in Iraq. She told the departing troops, “You’ll be there to defend the innocent from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans.”

Asked by Charlie Gibson what insight into Russian actions her Alaskan proximity gave her, Sarah blithely replied: “They’re our next-door neighbors. And you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.”

Being a next-door neighbor is not quite enough, though. If Sarah had been reading about the world she feels so confident about leading rather than just parroting by rote what Randy Scheunemann and the neocons around McCain drilled into her last week — Drill, baby, drill! — she might have realized that as heinous as Russia’s behavior toward Georgia was, it was not completely unprovoked. The State Department has let it be known that it warned McCain’s friend, Misha, the hotheaded president of Georgia, not to send troops in to crush the rebellion in two breakaway states.

And she might not have had to clench her jaw and play for time when Gibson raised the Bush doctrine, the wacko preemption philosophy that so utterly changed the world.

The really scary part of the Palin interview was how much she seemed like W. in 2000, and not just the way she pronounced nu-cue-lar. She had the same flimsy but tenacious adeptness at saying nothing, the same generalities and platitudes, the same restrained resentment at being pressed to be specific, as though specific is the province of silly eggheads, not people who clear brush at the ranch or shoot moose on the tundra.

Just as W. once could not name the General-General running Pakistan, so Palin took a position on Pakistan that McCain had derided as naïve when Obama took it.

“We must not, Charlie, blink, Charlie, because, Charlie, as I’ve said, Charlie, before, John McCain has said, Charlie, that — and remember here, Charlie, we’re talking about John McCain, Charlie, who, Charlie, is John McCain and I won’t be blinking, Charlie.”

She tried to finesse her previous church comments about Iraq, asking worshipers to pray “that there is a plan, and that plan is God’s plan.” Earnestly repeating after her tutors, she said she had meant to echo Abraham Lincoln, that in war we must pray that we are on God’s side rather than that he is on ours. But her original comments sounded more W. than Abe — taking your policy and ideology and giving it the hallowed mantle of a mission from God.

Sarah has single-handedly ushered out the “Sex and the City” era, and made the sexy new model for America a retro one — the glamorous Pioneer Woman, packing a gun, a baby and a Bible.

Her explosion onto the scene made Obama seem even more like a windy, wispy egghead. Like W., Sarah has the power of positive unthinking. But now we may want to think about where ignorance and pride and no self-doubt has gotten us. Being quick on the trigger might be good in moose hunting, but in dealing with Putin, a little knowledge might come in handy.

Friday, September 12, 2008

From CBS a Few Weeks Ago:

Sarah Palin might think the announcement of her daughter Bristol's pregnancy put an end to the speculation about who Baby Trig's real mother is, but I still don't believe it was Sarah's baby and I never did.
Palin is a proven liar, and nothing makes sense about this kid's dicey birth record.
Let's face it- Palin is so consumed with her career, her future, her public image and her-her-herself, she didn't pay enough parental attention to her daughter as a 16-year-old, and she still hasn't bothered.

Pure white trash.
No Country for Dirty Old Men

Many of you aren't old enough to recall Richard Nixon in action. Like McCain, he was quick to anger and he did not like to be questioned.
When faced with blunt questioning, he would start to sweat profusely, his eyes darted from side to side and he peppered his replies with a lot of umms and errs and uhhs.
In a recently released video clip I saw on HuffPo, McCain tries to explain Sarah Palin charging the taxpayers for trips between the capitol and her home in Wasilla.
His gibberish reply boggled the mind, but what was most telling was his twitchy Nixonian body language.
I can appreciate even a Republican with a facile style of lying and equivocating, but this old fart no longer has the brain cells to be even slightly quick on his feet.
This is the man people want to have his tremulous finger near the red button?
This is the man whose ashen visage predicts an early demise, only to be replaced by Sarah Palin?!?

Folks, he's played out.
And his careless choice for a VP is nothing short of frightening.

To his credit, the usually affable Charlie Gibson was stern and blunt in his interview with Sarah Palin.
She, like my pal Nonnie put it, answered questions like a junior high girl who obviously didn't read the assignment.
So carefully rehearsed was she (on some topics), she reiterated certain replies with verbatim robotics.

She's basically Bush with better grammar.
She also another Dick Cheney, only with a bigger gun and more right-wing extremism.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Charles Gibson's Interview

Charlie Gibson tried to ask Palin some hardball questions, but she's been coached to sound like she knows Georgia and Russia from Shinola. As if.
Anyway, when she kept pronouncing the word 'nuclear' like Bush says it (NEW-kew-ler)I just chalked her up to being another dumb ass with about the same mental skills as your average parrot.

Oh, and she used Charlie's name in every sentence, sometimes twice.
"You see, Charlie, national security in a new-kew-ler age is of the upmost importance, Charlie."

What a dork. I just can't stand the bitch.
If She Shoots You in the Face...

See more Gina Gershon videos at Funny or Die
It Happened on a Republican's Watch

I was watching a man on the street segment on the news recently and the woman being interviewed said she was voting for McCain because, "The Republicans have kept us safe."
Pssst, stupid, the towers came down during Bush's watch.
You call that safe?
Right after 9/11 when Bush and Giulliani and their ilk started making political hay out of the attack, Bush said he refused to retrofit American airports to the security standards of the Tel Aviv airport in Israel because he said "we couldn't afford the $10 billion it would cost to do it."
Yeah, the same $10 billion he wastes every MONTH in Iraq.

With McCain marching in lock step with Bush 90 percent of the time, what's to stop another attack of this magnitude?
Our borders still are not secure.
Our ports still are not secure.
Our airports still are not secure.
And 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden is still out there, likely planning the next attack.

There are madmen out there whose hatred for America has only been exacerbated by BushMcCain rhetoric. "Bring it on" is not an approach that works with angry people who hate us, not for our freedom but for our government's willful arrogance.

Sorry, but being a POW 40 years ago and emerging with the hottest temper in the Senate does not bode well for diplomacy.
Having a Vice President whose global stupidity and ignorance matches that of an average 5th grader is not encouraging, either.

On this anniversary of 9/11, please let the shock and pain of that day inspire you to do something today that will help Obama become our next president.
Donate $9.11 to his campaign. Get a bumper sticker or yard sign. Talk about how the attack happened on Bush's watch in the break room or at lunch. Talk about the $10 billion Bush refused to spend on airport security.

We have to get rid of these Republican idiots before 9/11 happens again. We must!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Whining Sack of Shit

It's hard to believe McCain is so weak and has so little to offer, he's trying to make a big fat thing out of Obama using the same phrase he's used many times himself.
Fact is, even if Obama was referring to Palin (which he wasn't) when he said, "It's like putting lipstick on a pig," so what?
She is a pig.
Pig, dog, goat, whatever- she's unfit to lead and McCain's a fucking hypocrite who's Bush's carbon copy.
Fuck these fucking fucks.
Roberta McCain as a Young Woman

Oh sure, she's butched up a little since she was a newlywed, but how her beauty had lasted!
Even with the horned rim glasses that were popular back in her day, her beauty shone through like a thousand points of light, provided none of those points did any community service, which we now know is a bad thing. But no worries, Roberta is proud of her boy Johnny and she plans to get on her Jitterbug cellular phone and call all her pals at the Sedona Rest Home.
Run Don't Walk

This pic is just a tiny sample.
Quick, go to Hysterical Raisins and see her hilarious take on the GOP Convention.
Seriously, go now.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

This is the Hillary We Need Right Now

I read over at the Huffington Post that Hillary Clinton has no intentions of going after Palin personally.
WTF? Why not?
We Democrats have our own pit bull in lipstick, yet she's voluntarily put herself on a leash and strapped on a muzzle?
Why is she keeping her powder dry, to ensure her run for 2012?
Oh, no way is this happening.
Why? Why? Why?
Our damned party is doing it again- rolling over on its back and allowing the GOP dogs to pee on them.
Hillary, you don't need to grow a set- we all know you have a perfectly gigantic set of balls.
Now use them, stupid.

Monday, September 08, 2008

A Queer's Advice to Obama

Okay, I know Senator Obama is not a girl, but then neither is RuPaul so let's just get that...uhh...straight.
But Obama does need to work it.
He needs to get himself some sizzling press by coming right out and saying Palin is a liar. That's right, I said it, she's a liar.
He can prove she's a liar and lying is not about gender, it's about not telling the truth.
She lied about him and she lied about herself.
Need examples?
Okay, the bridge to nowhere, backing Ted Stevens, Obama's legislation, Troopergate, Obama's plan to raise taxes on average families, etc.
Lies, lies and more lies.

Take the gloves off, men, let them call you sexist, who cares?
She may call herself a pit bull with lipstick, but a female dog also is called a bitch, and she's definitely got that covered.

Obama, you better work.
Biden, you better work, too.

Sashay, chante!

Sunday, September 07, 2008

My Good Buddy, the PUMA

I have a good friend I've known since she was 24. Elaine's 41 now and a very successful art director, hilarious, liberal, lesbian and all around Hillary supporter.
Last Thursday night, she and our friend Susan and I had dinner at Tong's Thai restaurant after Elaine had had a horrendous day at work. She was in a scrappy mood, and we know not to rile her when she's that way.
As the conversation turned to current events, I was appalled to hear her waxing eloquently about Sarah Palin's speech.
Alas, she's doing some work for my company that I need to get done very rapidly, so not wanting to piss her off, I had to bite my tongue and listen to her rhapsodize about Palin's wit, her gigantic balls and her general hotness.
Palin's magic seemed to be working on someone I would have thought impervious to that kind of rhetorical bullshit.
I looked askance at Susan and quietly asked, "What the fuck is up with this?"
Susan said, "Oh she's still pissed about Hillary not winning."

Yep. Elaine's a PUMA. And she's a voter. And I was worried.

Fast forward to last night.
Elaine had endured some minor surgery on Friday and she was home convalescing.
I shopped at the fabulous H-E-B Central Market for some dinner things to take to her. I got chicken salad, couscous, cole slaw, pita bread, mixed berries and some whipped cream. Mmm.
As we sat at her kitchen table eating, she said, "That Sarah Palin is a fucking asshole!"
Surprised, I said, "Oh? What makes you say that?"
Then she recited a list of talking points that thrilled me down to my toes. She had gotten the message, and she doesn't even have cable TV!
Seems she listens to liberal talk radio on satellite all day as she works. And they convinced her that Palin was indeed a fucking asshole.

So, my friends, it doesn't matter how people get the message, whether it's US Weekly and the Enquirer, CNN, MSNBC, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, the New York Times, blogs or liberal talk radio...the message is getting out.

While I was at H-E-B Central Market, I told the cute little bag boy how much I liked his fauxhawk haircut. He began to strut and preen like the adorable little peacock he was.
I said, "I bet the girls go crazy after you, but you better not vote for McCain or Palin or else you're gonna end up drafted and getting shot in Iraq!"
He looked shocked, so I pounced. "Yeah, word is they're gonna start the draft and come after kids just like you and them" (I pointed to the young female check-out girls nearby).
He replied, "For reals?"
And I said, "Oh yeah, for reals, and furthermore, if you go out and get one of your many little girlfriends pregnant, there will be no more abortion."
His eyes got as big as moonpies.
He had thought Palin was a babe and for some, that's enough to merit a vote.
Well, not anymore, not this kid.
Heh, heh, heh.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Make No Mistake About It.

If it had been one of Obama's daughters who got knocked up at age 16 by some thug with a profane Face Book page, the right wing would have come unglued and dropped all semblance of pretending not to be racist.
I mean, consider this...
Palin already has been overheard calling Obama "Sambo," so a teen pregnancy with a Black baby daddy would be all it took for these honky crackers to let it fly.
James Dobson would have wet himself trying to get to his press conference in time to condemn the Obamas on the evening news.
The Obamas would have been portrayed as this crowd:

But consider this.
How do you think Michelle Obama would react if one of her daughters showed up knocked-up? Well, I'll tell you what she'd do, as Bill Mahar said, she'd knock the black off that kid.
If you like "family values," in your candidates, I suggest you vote for a family that actually has them.
The Secret Diary of Sarah Palin

As a service to Pulp Friction readers, our team of crack investigative reporters have infiltrated a fortified igloo somewhere west of Wasilla, Alaska and discovered this secret diary, hidden in a pile of US Weekly and People magazines.

Dear Diary,
OMG I can't beeelieve that John S. McCane has actually chosen me to be his Vee Pee!!!!!
Its all so surrealistic, being on the stage of the highest place ever, the Republican convention!!!!

And I rocked it, baby!!!

I had some help on my speech from that hilarious Karl Rove and believe me, that dude's a genious!!!
So, earlier before the convention I got to meet John McCane and let me tell you, that guy may be old but he's got a pocket full of Viagra he showed me. YUCK!!!
He kept saying we needed good luck victory hugs, but after 4 really really long ones I was like, whoa dude!!!
His wife Cindy is cool but she's kinda like out to lunch. And I met Laura Bush too and she's like a total hick with that weirdo accent from Texas. Yuck!!!
Anyways, the media is just awful and they are so like after me like a pack of wolves after a wounded moose calf. So I asked John for Dick Cheney's cell phone number but he told me Dick only took messages and he'd relay his response through someone else.
So I said ask him what to do about the media. And 4 hours later John said Dick said it was ok to not talk to them at all!!!! How cool is that????!!!!
Meanwhile, Sambo and his sidekick Hairplugs are doing all kindsa stoopid ads and really pissing me off big time!!!!
Nevermind all that, I think I looked smokin hot at the speech. I told my chief of staff to create a new budget for wardrobe and make up another name for it, like "guberatorial emergency preparedness fund" so nobody tries to get on me about it. But Jeeze its not like im not bringing Alaska all kindsa great publicity and all!
Finally Todd has said he's mister mom because the LAST thing I have time for right now is keeping an eye on all those damn kids. Especially that retarded baby of Bristol's. Oops I mean "special needs baby" I gotta be careful what I say because the damn liberal media is so P.C. about crap like that!!!
Oh and here's a great LOL for ya. I was wearing Bristol's daisy dukes and bent over picking something up in the hallway and guess who came by and patted my butt? Yes, Levi. He apologized and said it was "an accident." Suuuuure it was, Studly Doright!!!! LOLZ!!!
And back to the stupid liberals, I hate those liberal bitches from that old timey group Heart because they went apeshit that I used Barracuda as my theme song. Liberal whores, probably queer too, especially that big fat one!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope when I become VEE PEE they like having their taxes audited, those liberal whores.
Well, I gotta go soon, Todd is making moose stew, trying to kiss up to me as he should!!!!
Laters!!! From the next VEE PEE of the United States of America!!!!! :)
Sarah!! Make the Sarah Palin VEE PEE!!!!!!!!!
I Like it

Tip of the hat to Earthbound Misfit, who posted this to her blog first.

Friday, September 05, 2008

What Sheer Gall!

Get this.
Sarah Palin is refusing to be interviewed by anyone in the media. A John McCain campaign aide said that she sees no reason why Sarah Palin should have to answer reporters' queries.
Nicole Wallace of the McCain campaign said, "The American people don't care whether Sarah Palin can answer specific questions about foreign and domestic policy."

So, I hope everyone liked her Karl Rovian speech, because that's all you'll get to know about her.

And if you don't like it, suck it.

Meanwhile, the music group Heart has asked the McCain/Palin camp to refrain from using their song, "Barracuda" at further rallies. Naturally, they used the song at the RNC without permission.

It's a good thing I don't call people cunts. That's all I'm saying.
I Endured the Pain For You

For the first time since McGovern ran against Nixon, I actually watched most of the Republican National Convention so I could opine with some semblance of first hand knowledge.
I could not believe what I saw and heard.
The central theme seemed to be changing the status quo.
Taking back ineffectual Washington and restoring dignity.
Being mavericks and renegades who buck the broken system.
The GOP has controlled the White House for 8 years and both Houses for 6 years. Who are they reclaiming it from, themselves?
For all the dull speeches made by white men, to all the sarcastic speeches made by white men, to Sarah Palin's rousing speech that raised Obama's campaign nearly $10 million in 24 hours, to McCain's anticlimactic snoozer of an acceptance speech, I have to ask--is that all they had?
Watching McCain struggle to read the TelePrompter made it seem like he was reading his remarks for the first time. His emphasis on the wrong words, downcast eyes and the sad way he limped to the podium made me think how obvious it was that the old war horse was literally on his last lap around the track.
And for God's sake, did he actually have to tell his POW story again after we'd heard it at least eight times during the convention, in addition to seeing it in his video tribute?
There should be a word more emphatic than overkill to use at times like this.
I was momentarily engaged when that Iraqi war veteran protester flashed his sign, "How do you win an occupation?" and those Code Pink women had to be dragged out, but so bland was this convention even the protesters were a little tepid.
The only really interesting part was when Palin strutted out, eyes glistening with excitement, soaking up all the adulation like a small town birthday girl on her first trip to Disneyland.
If this ticket believes that governing is about serving the people and not about seeking individual ego gratification, you could have fooled me. Palin is definitely tripping.
She and her family energized the crowd to be sure, but it was because of sensationalism, like when poor relations come to dinner at the fancy relatives' house and drink from the finger bowls.
McCain and Palin make for an interesting combination. He's as dull as a black and white documentary about cell reproduction and she's The Jerry Springer Show.
I think the absence of Bush and the total blackout of all things Cheney made political history.
I feel embarrassed for the Republicans, and even more embarrassed for anyone gullible enough to think this ticket will be anything more than four years of Bush/Cheney.
I used to think there could be no worse team than Bush and Cheney for America.

I stand corrected.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Time to Ante Up

I got an e-mail from frequent commenter Big Sis last night. She happens to be my big sister in real life and she's a very skilled attorney in the field of victim's rights.
After hearing Palin's outrageously insulting comedy routine last night, she wrote and said she usually only donates $25 or so to political campaigns, but the minute Palin was done, she sent Obama $100.
When I read that, I did too.
If you can afford it, please donate.
If you cannot afford it, please attach an Obama/Biden sticker to your car, or put a yard sign in your lawn or front window.
We're all in this together, and the McCain/Palin ticket is starting to look a lot more radical right than even Dick and Bush.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

"Drill, Baby, Drill"

Just as I expected, a rah-rah speech filled with clever put downs and one liners, but zero content on the issues.
For a mayor of a town roughly the size of my cats' litter box and the 18-month Governor of a state with a population smaller than metropolitan San Antonio, she had a lot of nerve talking like Obama was someone who lacked her executive experience.
Hell, he passed her up back during his Harvard Law Review days, but I doubt she even knows what that is.
She tried to make her ability to breed, attend PTA meetings and soccer games into assets that would lend themselves to being president of the United States.
Is that bitch kidding?
And talk about wanting to spare her children? Please.
I almost cried when I saw that little newborn being kept up late in that crowd of screaming people. I'm surprised they didn't pass him up and down the aisles and let everyone get to hold him. How thoughtless. What pandering.
And God forbid anyone says what a clown she is.
No, that would be sexist.
Yet it was okay that every old GOP fart in the convention hall was wearing a button that said, "Coolest state, hottest vice president!"
Sarah Palin was the perfect choice for McCain to make. Shrill, smart assed, vapid, pandering, dishonest and all style and no substance.

And goddamn, if I have to hear about McCain and his fucking POW story one more time, I'll throw up. We get it. He was a POW 40 years ago.

The GOP is in trouble. They have nothing to offer.
In fact they've been so totally horrible at leading this nation for the last 8 years, the sitting GOP president stayed away and appeared via satellite, lest he face an uneasy crowd and lukewarm applause. And Dick Cheney not only didn't speak or show up, his filthy, criminal name hasn't even been mentioned.
Yeah, someone got drilled tonight. The American people.
Sarah Palin's Second Vlog

"Now go and breastfeed your brother."
Grampa Meets Kids at the Airport

If that don't beat all.
If all John McCain has to do is teen pregnancy counseling/damage control, is he really the right man for the job?
He actually met the pregnant young pups at the Minneapolis airport himself? He has no minions to fetch them and bring them to him?
How I'd love to know what he said as he put the vulcan death grip on Levi's arm.

"Now lissen, ya goddamn little jerk, unless you want the feds to find a kilo of cocaine in the glove compartment of your goddamn snowmobile or whatever the fuck you 'skeemos drive up in that god fersaken hellhole Alaska, yer gonna show up tonight in a suit, with a shave and your gonna look enthusiastic, ya got that mister?"
Yep, She's Truly One of Us.


Every convention features a turncoat, and Joe Lieberman was there amongst the white folks at the RNC last night.
I tried to listen to his speech last night but I cannot bear to look at him or listen to his nasal whine.
But I did listen to Fred Thompson's speech and a few others and I have to ask, is John McCain's POW status 40 years ago really relevant to the sagging economy, the $10 billion a month war or the other failed policies of George W. Bush that he's voted for 90% of the time?
If the GOP aren't taking about McCain circa 1968, then they are tearing down Obama with false accusations and fear mongering. Is that all they have?
Do we really want to trust these people again?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Is that Toast I Smell?

Yep, here's what Judy and Joe Sixpack will be staring at while standing in the check-out line at the supermarket later this week.
And it's too bad for Sarah Palin that magazines like this are exactly where the Judys and Joes of America get most of their political information.
And they don't like it when people have scandals.
Scandals killed John Edwards' career.
Scandals ruined Bill Clinton's reputation.
And from Troopergate, to the Bridge to Nowhere, to the shotgun wedding of Bristol Palin, the governor has hit a scandal trifecta.

Yep, when US Magazine disses someone on their cover, there's a name for it. It's called getting Britney-ized!

Buh Bye, Sarah.
Bristol's Little Drinking Issues

It seems new pictures are popping up of Bristol Palin and her little gal pals getting into the liquor cabinet. Dusty has more on her blog, listed to the right. -->

Yep, nothin' goes together like unprotected premarital sex and alcohol, and we know lil' Bristol has done at least one.
This is where the story gets a little deep, so bear with me.

1. I still think Trig is Bristol and Levi's baby.
2. I still think Bristol got pregnant again immediately after giving birth. I think that shocker triggered a cover-up.
3. It's documented fact that Alaska has a teen pregnancy problem, along with lots of alcohol and drug abuse issues among Alaskans of all age groups. I have a hunch Bristol and Levi are part of that statistic. I know Todd Palin has an alcohol history, he has a DUI conviction under his belt, and I know alcoholism can have a genetic aspect, particularly among native Alaskans. Todd Palin is part native Alaskan.
4. How do we know Trig has Down Syndrome? Just because Sarah Palin said?
5. How do we know the baby doesn't have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, brought on by alcohol abuse during conception and continued through the critical first trimester?
6. Wouldn't calling it Down Syndrome be a convenient way to tie in a "mother" being over 40?
7. The radical right-wing fundamentalists may be able to forgive a teen pregnancy, but could they ever forgive an unwed teen giving birth to a baby with FAS, then getting pregnant immediately afterwards?

I think the story Palin told about Bristol being pregnant is true, but I think she's only 3-3.5 months pregnant.
I think the photos we've all seen already show Bristol with a bulging belly late last year.
I think the photos we've seen of Sarah Palin with a flat belly in her alleged 7th month of pregnancy prove she was not pregnant. It is possible to pad your clothing to look pregnant, but it is impossible to hide a pregnant belly and make it appear flat.

Here's what I need to see before I drop this bone;

-Trig's birth certificate, authenticated by a disinterested party
-A doctors sworn statement that lists Trig's retardation as Down Syndrome and not Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Too many sites have been taken down and too many unanswered questions remain. I think it's time for Sarah Palin to put an end to these rumors by proving them wrong via documented proof.

We know she's a liar, so why should we take her word for anything?
"Ya Fuck With Me, I'll Kick Your Ass."

Meet the other half of America's Newest Sweethearts, Levi Johnston, a 17-year-old senior at Wasilla high school. His hobbies include hockey, fucking, riding dirt bikes and snowboarding.
The father-to-be described himself on his MySpace page as, "a fuckin' redneck" who "likes to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess."
His motto is "Ya fuck with me I'll kick your ass."
He also claims to be "in a relationship," but stated, "I don't want kids."
Well, I'm sure he's changed his mind now that his bride to be Bristol Palin is with child.
Sources tell me the happily engaged couple are registered for gifts at these fine stores in Wasilla: Arctic Custom Gun Shop, Three Rivers Guns and Tackle, Dangerous Curves Lingerie and Bridal, Pitter Patter Children's Boutique and WalMart.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Another Pregnant Governor!

Here's the deal.
I've decided that the truth is, Bristol Palin is Trig's mother, and she's pregnant again.
Unless someone shows proof of a birth certificate signed by an MD that verifies that Sarah Palin gave birth to Trig Paxon Van Palen, I say she lied about Trig's birth to hide the fact that Bristol made the same mistake twice within the the same 12 months.
My own mother was born in January and her sister was born in November of the same year. So I know it happens.

I think Sarah Palin lied about returning funds for the Bridge to Nowhere.
I think she lied about trying to get her ex brother-in-law fired.
I think she lied about why she fired the police commissioner.
And I think she's lying about Trig.
Tuna or Mackeral, Fishy is Fishy

Hmm, it seems Sarah Palin has announced that her teen daughter Bristol's belly is not postnatal bulge, it's prenatal bulge.
We knew something was amiss, and I fully believe the blogworld's curiosity about baby Trig's true parentage forced Palin into admitting her kid was knocked up BEFORE the election. Sorry we inconvenienced you, Sarah.

Here's Palin's statement:

"We have been blessed with five wonderful children who we love with all our heart and mean everything to us. Our beautiful daughter Bristol came to us with news that as parents we knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned. We’re proud of Bristol’s decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents. As Bristol faces the responsibilities of adulthood, she knows she has our unconditional love and support.

"Bristol and the young man she will marry are going to realize very quickly the difficulties of raising a child, which is why they will have the love and support of our entire family. We ask the media to respect our daughter and Levi’s privacy as has always been the tradition of children of candidates."

Who is Levi, the baby daddy? And who the fuck names all these Alaskan kids, the ghost of Frank Zappa?

Oh right, please respect our privacy and DO NOT ask how a family values evangelical can have a knocked up 16-year-old.

Please do not ask how an inexperienced Governor of a state with fewer than a million residents will be able to juggle the office of the vice presidency of the United States while dealing with a dysfunctional family and a newborn with mental retardation.

Please do not ask how someone with such strong family values could have neglected her own daughter so much, she failed to give her even rudimentary information about birth control or safe sex practices.

Are they fucking kidding? This whole situation is a bunch of Matanuska cluster-fucked trailer trash.

Had McCain vetted this insipid clown, he would have had to nix her because of this Peyton Place in an igloo drama. But he didn't. He rushed to judgment.
And once again, he was wrong.
The GOP Sez:

Oh, how happy the GOP and McCain must be that Hurricane Gustav has come along to give them an excuse to truncate their shitty convention.
Hallelujah! Bush and Dick won't be on hand to make their embarrassing speeches!
Yahoo! The media won't have the chance to show a convention filled with doddering old slobs in straw hats amidst a bunch of empty seats.
OMG! Does this mean we will be deprived of their exciting roster of speakers and entertainment?
Here's what we might be missing:

Tony Orlando: sings "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" in tribute to returning war vets
Wilfred Brimley: Gives a rousing address about how McCain's presidency will cleanse the American spirit as well as Quaker oatmeal cleanses the bowels
The Beach Boys: sing their updated classic, "Bomb Bomb Iran"
Joe Lieberman: Speaks about how Zeb Miller was right to loathe Democrats
Anita Bryant: Sings her new hit, "God Bless the Red States"
The Rev. Fred Phelps: On how teh gays are ruining marriage, families and America in general

...and speaking of phony GOP assholes, look at this pic and tell me who you think has the look of someone who just had a baby:

Sarah & Cindy: Dumb and Dumber