Friday, May 08, 2009

Obama: I'm Walking Away From You




Had I known Barack Hussein Obama craved foreign, exotic Grey Poupon mustard on his cheeseburgers, I never would have voted for him.
Seriously, do we need a president so hoity toity and beholden to the French that he can't even order a cheeseburger with plain old all-American yellow mustard?
Is he so robotic that he must have spicy foods to feel alive?
Never mind that Grey Poupon is made by Kraft, they make it to appeal to snobby, uppity consumers who are so wealthy they can afford to plunk down $2.79 for a jar of this snobbery.
You'd never catch George W. Bush or Dick B. Cheney ordering Grey Poupon on their wild game burgers. Manly men do not crave spicy mustard.
Of course the liberal media and lazy bloggers who opine in their pajamas from their parents' basements think this mustard kerfuffle is a nothing-burger, but they are missing the more esoteric point.
Obama's desire to seem elegant and fancy by ordering exotic mustard tells us a lot.
1. Money is no object to him; he will spend any amount to appear fancier than he actually is.
2. He thinks he's special, slowing down a hamburger assembly line by asking for an extra special condiment.
3. He doesn't care who's watching, he made his special order right on camera, thereby rubbing American noses in his exotic cravings.
4. Muslims, which we all know he secretly is, are notorious for loving Dijon mustard. They spread it all over weird meats like lamb.
5. According to the website "Americans for a More American Agenda Under Christ," Dijon mustard is well known as an afrodesiac, causing Black people to want to have even more sex than usual.
6. "Grey Poupon" in French means, "Angry, Radical Black Communist."
7. By ordering fancy condiments, Obama is teaching his daughters to be picky eaters. Picky eaters can also be considered "uppity eaters."
8. No doubt, the White House kitchen is also forced to stock Grey Poupon mustard, causing a much higher bill for American taxpayers.
9. Though Grey Poupon is manufactured by Kraft, that word in German means, "strong," which I think we can all agree the Nazis once were.
10. One of Grey Poupon's secret ingredients is white wine. If Obama thinks it's okay to consume white wine on his lunch break, isn't drinking on the job considered grounds for termination? The last thing we need in this economic crisis (that he caused) is a drunk president. He should be impeached immediately.

17 comments:

Morse said...

After all, what's wrong with a slathering of good old white mayonnaise? Where is the outrage?

Karen Zipdrive said...

The outrage is right here, Morse.
All my Black friends love mayo and/or salad dressing on everything. But then, all my Black friends have the decency to be American, unlike B. Hussein Obama, who was born* in Hawaii, which is barely American.

*allegedly

HelenWheels said...

It was only a matter of time before he let us really see his true self. My gawd, if people don't realize that slathering Grey Poupon on a burger is exactly the same as proclaiming "I love the terrorists AND the French!" they are obviously blind, deaf and dumb.

And where's the fucking birth certificate already, while we're at it?

Bill Ayers!
Bill Ayers!

Jeremiah WRIGHT!

THE TERRISTS HAVE WON!

AGGGHNNNN!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Jesus loved mustard.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Actually, Monkey, Jesus did not love mustard.
According to the website "Jesus Was an All-American Dude," JC preferred mayo and ketchup on his burgers.
You must be thinking of the mustard SEED story:

"The disciples said to Jesus, "Tell us what Heaven's kingdom is like."
He said to them, "It's like a mustard seed, the smallest of all seeds, but when it falls on prepared soil, it produces a large plant and becomes a shelter for birds of the sky.
"But for sure, thou musn't grind the seeds into condiment, for that would seek to make fancy a plain seed. No man needs ground mustard when God created mayonnaise."

themom said...

Hilariously funny. Don't forget - he didn't order AMERICAN cheese, he ordered cheddar. Damn Muslims! :)

Karen Zipdrive said...

Cheddar cheese is from England, but many people do not know the English imported cheddar cheese from the Middle East.
The word cheddar is derived from the Aramaic word 'cheddal' which is like the word "chattel" in English.
Like their women, the Arabs also own their livestock and anything they get from them, like milk, meat and leather.
All are considered chattel, but the Nomadic tribes could not pronounce the "a" sound because sand would blow in their mouths, so they pronounced it "cheddle."
Through the ages, it changed to cheddAR because the AR stands for Arab.
So naturally, our Muslim President loves cheddAR cheese.

Mnmom said...

Why does he (and Kraft) hate freedom?? 9-11!!!

Now pass the pesto.

kirby said...

I'm laughing my ass off about the mustard seed comment, but wasn't Jesus more of a falafel kind of guy? Oooooh, I know how Obama could really make Hannity's head explode. All he has to do is go into a falafel joint and order TAHINI!!!

Karen Zipdrive said...

The Arabs would love for us to think Jesus was a falafel guy, but we all know Jesus, who was actually born in Bethlehem PA, was an All American cheeseburger and fries guy, with a large Coca Cola on the side.

nonnie9999 said...

mustard? why not hot sauce? like they have down in new orleans! the truth is out now--barack obama doesn't care about black people. he's no better than bush.

Distributorcap said...

better than the smegma hanging around Hannity

Karen Zipdrive said...

D-Cup, Hannity used to have smegma hanging around him but Joe Scarborough nibbled it all off.

Lulu Maude said...

The best cheddar cheese is from Vermont... the People's Republic of Vermont.

dguzman said...

Hey, don't blame me: I voted for Hillary and her slogan "I love Hellman's mayo more than God!"

moana said...

to the retard that said Hawaii is barely american (Karen Zipdrive): You sure are one ignorant cunt bitch arent you? I guess you forgot that Hawaii reached statehood on the 21st of August 1959 huh? I am not an Obama lover, but my family's roots are in Hawaii, and i will be damned if i sit here and allow you to say some bull shit like that and not be offended.did you forget we have American capital? (that means money), did you know we speak english? We even have schools! and when we want to go to the store we take the roofs off our houses and wrap them around us before we go. (that is called sarcasm) you haoles came over and infested us with your sickness and missionaries and foreign animals who almost wiped out a culture and countless species of flora, fauna and life. for what?
yeah thats what you think, huh? what are you? some kind of belly scratching trailer park princess? all fat and wore out from having babies with your cousin brother? if you want to say something about a place you only wish you could go to and that you know nothing about, by all means, keep talking. its people like you who need to have everything they own taken from them and replaced with some incurable disease, and covered in fecal matter and have some one come in and tell you how wrong you are about your way of life and traditions and force it from you by taking the very blood that flows through your veins. just so you know how it feels. "Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka `Aina I Ka Pono" (The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness) when you figure that out, then come talk to me.

KarenZipdrive said...

Moana:
The entire post and my comments were all sarcasm, you ignorant cow.
You've given a horrible impression of all Hawaiians with your garbage mouth and tiny brain.
Before you question someone's intellect again, run your comments through a spellcheck and grammar check.
And learn to recognize sarcasm when you read it.