Obama: I'm Walking Away From You
Had I known Barack Hussein Obama craved foreign, exotic Grey Poupon mustard on his cheeseburgers, I never would have voted for him.
Seriously, do we need a president so hoity toity and beholden to the French that he can't even order a cheeseburger with plain old all-American yellow mustard?
Is he so robotic that he must have spicy foods to feel alive?
Never mind that Grey Poupon is made by Kraft, they make it to appeal to snobby, uppity consumers who are so wealthy they can afford to plunk down $2.79 for a jar of this snobbery.
You'd never catch George W. Bush or Dick B. Cheney ordering Grey Poupon on their wild game burgers. Manly men do not crave spicy mustard.
Of course the liberal media and lazy bloggers who opine in their pajamas from their parents' basements think this mustard kerfuffle is a nothing-burger, but they are missing the more esoteric point.
Obama's desire to seem elegant and fancy by ordering exotic mustard tells us a lot.
1. Money is no object to him; he will spend any amount to appear fancier than he actually is.
2. He thinks he's special, slowing down a hamburger assembly line by asking for an extra special condiment.
3. He doesn't care who's watching, he made his special order right on camera, thereby rubbing American noses in his exotic cravings.
4. Muslims, which we all know he secretly is, are notorious for loving Dijon mustard. They spread it all over weird meats like lamb.
5. According to the website "Americans for a More American Agenda Under Christ," Dijon mustard is well known as an afrodesiac, causing Black people to want to have even more sex than usual.
6. "Grey Poupon" in French means, "Angry, Radical Black Communist."
7. By ordering fancy condiments, Obama is teaching his daughters to be picky eaters. Picky eaters can also be considered "uppity eaters."
8. No doubt, the White House kitchen is also forced to stock Grey Poupon mustard, causing a much higher bill for American taxpayers.
9. Though Grey Poupon is manufactured by Kraft, that word in German means, "strong," which I think we can all agree the Nazis once were.
10. One of Grey Poupon's secret ingredients is white wine. If Obama thinks it's okay to consume white wine on his lunch break, isn't drinking on the job considered grounds for termination? The last thing we need in this economic crisis (that he caused) is a drunk president. He should be impeached immediately.