The Top Secret Notebook of RNC Chairman Michael Steele
The crack team of reporter for Pulp Friction have uncovered the secret playbook of Michael Steele, to show skeptical readers once and for all that the liberal media has misunderestimated this political tactician.
PlAnS 4 mAkiNg 'dA GoP hoTT aGaiN!!
1. Stop goin' after Nanci Pelosi just because she weak. If you gonna fish for the big game, you gotta use big bait; which means: get after Obama!!!
2. Oh sure, he's kewl, he's smart, he's big on the haberdashery, he got a great family and a slammin' hot wife, he give great speaches, he play decent b-ball, he can roll wit da world leaders, he's lean, he's funny, he's so cool he cold, but theres all the more reason to saddle up and ride the horse like Reagan woulda done.
3. Instead of calling them the democrat party, its time to amp it up and really get in they grille. Now they should be call "The DemoRAT party." Call it what it is- a bunch of rats, is all. Kids will love that name and remember it come voting time.
4. All Republicans must get him a dog if he hadnt already got one. Suggested dog names: Liberty, Freedog, Gipper, Lincoln, John Wayne or Duke, ecsetera. No cats.
7. No more apologizing, agonizing, saying we sorry, regretting, groveling, sniveling, hang-dogging, moping, or living in the past. Like Reagan and Lincoln woulda said, the future is now and we serving it up in a teabag, and that is a wonderful thing.
6. Get somebody to write us a rap anthem--totally off the chain and hip hop that all the hip young peeps will hum to. If we can fine us a melody writer I can bust the rhymes my own self. Check it out:
"Da GOP Rocks" by Michael "Mister Tea" Steele
"I said a hip, hip, a hip, hop, hop
the GOP is gonna rock
we rock the house and we rock the senate
when we say rocked we really meant it
we got john boehner, tanned and ready
we got sarah palin, rockin' steady
we got huckabee, he is da man
we got mistah romney, in God's hand
we got fox news, we got rasmussen
we got george b. and all his cousin
we got dick cheney, down n' dirty
we got ms bachman, cute n' flirty
we got a smart dude: tim pawlenty
we got the youth, we got them plenty
they's meghan mac, oh she so funny
we got liz cheney, and her money
we got 'em high, we got 'em low
we got some dudes on the down-low
we got it all, we big tent peeps
if you don't join y'all just creeps!
I said a hip, hip, a hip, hop, hop
The GOP is gonna rock!
-Michael Steele, copywrite 2009
7. We cashed in on Nancy Pelosi who was in on the torture, also too she is from the gayest most liberal 'hood in the country. We gotta play her up and keep steppin' on her neck while she down. All that Armani wearing and Botox and passin' out fancy chocolates don't play on Main Street, and neither does dissin' the CIA and playing them as spooks n' liars.
So we gotta get on the same page, make a list and check it twice and make some talking points for all GOP spokespersons to say on the air. Consistency is key, so we gotta make sure everybody say the same thing all the time, every time. It's called stayin' on message, baby, and that's what we gotta do.
8. We got this, baby, you can take that to the bank. We tight!!!