Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Top Secret Notebook of RNC Chairman Michael Steele

The crack team of reporter for Pulp Friction have uncovered the secret playbook of Michael Steele, to show skeptical readers once and for all that the liberal media has misunderestimated this political tactician.

PlAnS 4 mAkiNg 'dA GoP hoTT aGaiN!!

1. Stop goin' after Nanci Pelosi just because she weak. If you gonna fish for the big game, you gotta use big bait; which means: get after Obama!!!
2. Oh sure, he's kewl, he's smart, he's big on the haberdashery, he got a great family and a slammin' hot wife, he give great speaches, he play decent b-ball, he can roll wit da world leaders, he's lean, he's funny, he's so cool he cold, but theres all the more reason to saddle up and ride the horse like Reagan woulda done.
3. Instead of calling them the democrat party, its time to amp it up and really get in they grille. Now they should be call "The DemoRAT party." Call it what it is- a bunch of rats, is all. Kids will love that name and remember it come voting time.
4. All Republicans must get him a dog if he hadnt already got one. Suggested dog names: Liberty, Freedog, Gipper, Lincoln, John Wayne or Duke, ecsetera. No cats.
7. No more apologizing, agonizing, saying we sorry, regretting, groveling, sniveling, hang-dogging, moping, or living in the past. Like Reagan and Lincoln woulda said, the future is now and we serving it up in a teabag, and that is a wonderful thing.
6. Get somebody to write us a rap anthem--totally off the chain and hip hop that all the hip young peeps will hum to. If we can fine us a melody writer I can bust the rhymes my own self. Check it out:

"Da GOP Rocks" by Michael "Mister Tea" Steele

"I said a hip, hip, a hip, hop, hop
the GOP is gonna rock
we rock the house and we rock the senate
when we say rocked we really meant it
we got john boehner, tanned and ready
we got sarah palin, rockin' steady
we got huckabee, he is da man
we got mistah romney, in God's hand
we got fox news, we got rasmussen
we got george b. and all his cousin
we got dick cheney, down n' dirty
we got ms bachman, cute n' flirty
we got a smart dude: tim pawlenty
we got the youth, we got them plenty
they's meghan mac, oh she so funny
we got liz cheney, and her money
we got 'em high, we got 'em low
we got some dudes on the down-low
we got it all, we big tent peeps
if you don't join y'all just creeps!
I said a hip, hip, a hip, hop, hop
The GOP is gonna rock!
-Michael Steele, copywrite 2009

7. We cashed in on Nancy Pelosi who was in on the torture, also too she is from the gayest most liberal 'hood in the country. We gotta play her up and keep steppin' on her neck while she down. All that Armani wearing and Botox and passin' out fancy chocolates don't play on Main Street, and neither does dissin' the CIA and playing them as spooks n' liars.
So we gotta get on the same page, make a list and check it twice and make some talking points for all GOP spokespersons to say on the air. Consistency is key, so we gotta make sure everybody say the same thing all the time, every time. It's called stayin' on message, baby, and that's what we gotta do.

8. We got this, baby, you can take that to the bank. We tight!!!


Lulu Maude said...

gosh, michael... you're Really Down. the future of the grand ole party is safe in your genius! (make that safe in you're genius).

saw megan mccain on the daily show, reaching out to the youth oh america. she doesn't seem to get anymore specific on the virtues of the Repub party than that it's Really Awesome. oh, she also likes sex,a coded promise to lads everywhere that they might get lucky if they vote right.

Anonymous said...

Nancy did not have to make herself an easy target. She was a Bush sycophat after 9/11, but got "religion" after the anti-War movement picked up steam. She was never an opponent of torture until the Elections of 2006, when it became politically profitable to oppose torture.

Such a HYPOCRITE is worse than a Republican.

Nancy deserves IMPEACHMENT!!!

Gua said...

this is too funny to me

bigsis said...

Mike is off the hook dog, I mean he's got it goin' on yo.

I never liked it that Pelosi didn't want to even consider impeaching Bush when she had a chance. I know, I know, it wouldn't have worked, it would have created a tidal wave of other problems blah blah blah. All I want(ed) is any little tidbit of symbolism that taints the Bush "legacy" forever.

bigsis said...

I'm also thinking Mike may disagree with Gov Rick Perry and actually be in favor of opening up the R party like a big old "WHOREHOUSE".

Anonymous said...

Are you calling Nancy Pelosi a W....?

Karen Zipdrive said...

Anonymous, you're getting on my nerves. Don't be obtuse, and either keep up with the thread or don't leave comments.
I've deleted your nutty talk once today and I won't hesitate to do it again.

nonnie9999 said...

i can't stop tapping my toes! i like his new rap name, mister tea. i guess he's like diddy/p diddy/puff daddy/puffy/sean john, because i remember mister tea when he was known as michael phat head steele.

Karen Zipdrive said...

From "Think Progress":

Steele declares that ‘liberalism will kill you.’

This past weekend, RNC Chairman Michael Steele made headlines when he delivered a speech at the Georgia Republican convention, in which he argued that same-sex marriage would be a huge burden on small businesses.
But that wasn’t the only controversial claim Steele made in the speech.
According to Human Events’ Martha Zoller, Steele also declared that “liberalism will kill you“:

He went on to say, “The Republican Party’s credibility as the reliably conservative choice has been damaged, and it’s up to us to fix it. Faith, freedom, personal responsibility, respect for life and prosperity” Then he added, “Like a bad diet, liberalism will kill you. It’s a drug we don’t need to be hooked on. We are what stand between an America of prosperity or dependency. Which one do you want?” For that crowd, they wanted the Republican values of Michael Steele.

dguzman said...

Mister Tea "is a drug we don't need to be hooked on." Just say no--to stupidity!

bigsis said...

I read an interesting article that said that our new systems of communication via the internet (Twitter, blogs, etc) will create socialism, but without the inclusion of the government. I thought that sounded nuts but then I realized the internet arguably won the nomination for Obama. And how many times do we all now respond to requests for us to email our legislators or sign a petition on line to get things done on local or national levels?

HelenWheels said...


Holy crap!! I was about to get all jiggy wid it, yo!

ANonymous is leaving vapid comments at my blog as well (carbon copies like a good lil' dittohead).