The Fashion Segment

Last night my lovely companion and I went to the usual little wine and coffee house and observed a room full of oddly rumpled gay men, a fair number of college girls and a few wildcards thrown in just to confuse us.
What in the hell has happened to contemporary fashion?
Some of the women's blouses were so complicated I wouldn't know how to go about putting one on without printed instructions. "Insert Tab A into Slot B. Crisscross lateral straps under diagonal zipper, but over glittery applique."
And whose idea was it to bring back hip hugger pants? Those damn things should be sold only to licensed individuals who meet basic girth and inseam requirements.
Clue: If someone is 4'11" and a size 18, bell bottomed hiphuggers are not the ideal fashion choice.
Oh, and when will this capri thing end? I have never even considered wearing them. I mean, they are not shorts and not long pants, so what are they? I'll tell you what they are, they are first cousins of culottes and skorts.
I have four basic pant styles. Jeans, dressy pants, ratty shorts and ironed shorts.
I cannot imagine a scenario where capris, hip huggers or the dreaded cargo pants would enhance my appearance.
Yeah. Maybe I'll go visit TechFluid Chari in Florida and we can put on our capris and go where, to a NASCAR race?
What shoes go with those pants? Nothing in my collection, that's for damn sure.
Mom had it easy when she was 50. She wore house dresses, dusters and muumuus, because back then women in their 50's didn't have to worry about dating.
I was born too late.
I wish muumuus would come back into style. I could be confident and alluring wearing a bright, bold, Hawaiian print muumuu.