Early Survivor Update and Picks
Remember to watch Survivor on Wednesday night this week.
So, where are we?
Last week, we bid a fond farewell to Colby, arguably the most fuckable male in Survivor history. In the hetero hierarchy, I would imagine nothing trumps a big old handsome Texas boy with a big, white smile. I wonder if he has a sister? Ooops, I digress.
The other members of the NoMo Faggo tribe voted Colby out because he was the biggest threat, so it made sense strategically.
Alas, that pretty much leaves their tribe down to stems and seeds:
Ethan: can't untie a knot under pressure, plus he already got his million.
Kathy: left her heart on the yacht Big Tom described as being, "like the fanciest trailer you ever saw, only it was on water." She's now like a cheating spouse. She may be with her original tribe in body, but she's got her mind elsewhere. That other tribe liquored her up, squeezed info out of her like a lime and left her giddy and clueless.
Lex: Trying to lead without seeming like he's trying, and confusing himself in the process. His fangs will start to show once the tribes merge.
Shii Ann: Has successfully managed thus far to show no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Jerri: Her self-described zenlike approach to the game is hilarious. If Zen involves bitching a lot, scowling like a harpie and being lazy as hell, she's a high holy master.
Then there's the ChapMyAss tribe.
Alicia: That red bikini canceled out that creepy, Greek-style cap she wore on the yacht. I sort of like her the best just for superficial, aesthetic reasons, but she's a strong competitor, even in the water.
Big Tom: Calling a multi million dollar yacht a fancy trailer on water pretty much tells us why giving him a million bucks would cause a global scarcity of lawn flamingos.
Amber: She forgot she's there to win a million instead of finding a husband.
This is no time for estrus, babycakes, but if the previews are accurate we'll get to see her lizard kissing Rob in the next episode.
Rupert: Poor thing. Even his voice has taken on a weird, nasal sort of whiny quality that I find offputting. I wish he'd get his mojo working again.
Jenna: Oh, is she still there?
Rob M.: I think he's playing Amber like a dime store harmonica while he continues to plot and scheme about the money. While I dislike his excess cockiness, I think it may work for him. He may well be the sharpest tack on the island.
I think the tribes may stay separate for one more week because there are still 10 people out there, and that's too many. Or maybe they will merge, who knows?
Gotta be either Jerri- simply because her zenlike state of grace is too spiritual for the others to behold, or Jenna, because she's so bland I forgot she was still around.
Besides Rob, there are no real power threats remaining. Lex and Rupert have morphed into Beta dogs and Big Tom, well, you know.