Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Fat Actress and The L Word

I was hoping the debut of Kirsty Alley's new Showtime series, "Fat Actress" would be funny along the lines of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," but I found myself feeling halfway between embarrassed and sorry for her.
The seduction scene, where the black man was feeding her all sorts of fattening crap from the fridge while she begged like a dog was so damned demeaning-- then when he started smacking her "juicy, fat ass"...
No, that was just wrong.
Everyone knows that Hollywood is vicious toward fat women actors, but to see someone who once had such a successful career pander to that ugly truth was nothing short of pathetic.
Her weight gain was significant enough to indicate some kind of deep, emotional trauma.
I felt sad for her that she's had to make light of whatever it was and make herself the huge butt of the joke just to get back on TV.
I thought the show was degrading and painful to watch.

The L Word, however, brought me out of the fat actress doldrums.
That horrid, social climbing bitch Tonya reminds me of about a million aspiring actresses I met in L.A. when I lived there in my 20's.
I recall one night my friend Tony and I were at Peanuts, a major lesbian bar in Hollywood.
Near our table was an insufferable starlet who kept mentioning in a stage voice that she was slated to do a national Mc Donald's TV commercial the next day. She was exactly like Tonya, even looked like her.
Alas, while Tony and I were on the crowded dance floor, he was flailing his arms around a tad too exuberantly and accidentally tagged Tonya Mc Donald smack dab in the eye socket with his elbow.
The bruise started forming immediately, and by the time we left, Tonya was sporting a shiner that looked like she'd pissed off O.J. Simpson after he'd smoked some crack.
Getting back to The L Word, the business dinner Tonya railroaded Dana into was so believably sickening, it made me glad I left L.A.
But the real joy was the Planet's grand opening scene, with Pam Grier singing. She's so fine- I have always loved that Foxy Brown.
Not only that, my friend Rebecca from Vancouver was an extra in that scene, playing a patron in a blue tank top. I was in hog heaven watching that scene.
And poor Bette!
I love how the script writers are just beating the emotional shit out of that prissy little cheater. She's almost at the point where she's so beaten down I could start liking her and rooting for her to get Tina back.
But not with Tina's totally hot new lawyer sniffing around.
I have a hunch that lawyer's gonna be a little more than Tina's Lamaze partner. I mean, that much was pretty obvious, eh?
As for Jenny- let's all pause and say a silent prayer that we never have to endure a kissing scene between her and that hideous monstrosity Sandra Bernhardt. Her camel-like mouth is simply the most unkissable looking mess in the history of lesbianism, and her booze and drug hardened personality is even worse.
Ugh. Does anyone actually like her?

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