Saturday, March 19, 2005

Pulp News Update

• "MARCH 15--Michael Jackson 'doesn't really qualify as a pedophile. He's really just this regressed 10-year-old.'- Dr. Stanley Katz, Los Angeles child psychologist..."
Yeah right, a regressed 10-year old, twice-divorced, father of three, multi millionaire 46-year-old with an astoundingly freakish plastic surgery fetish and an estate designed around thrilling hunky little boys. Uh huh.

• By now, we all know Mary Kay LaTourneau and her baby daddy Vili Fualaau are getting hitched on April 16. I just spied their wish list at the Macy's bridal registry.
Besides wanting every piece of china made by Villeroy & Boch in the lively green and yellow "Twist Alea" pattern, they also want assorted glassware and a $250 Kitchenaid mixer.
With the public as crazy as it is, they quickly had all their Macy's requests granted, so on they went to Tiffany's bridal registry, where they registered their requests for formal china and stemware. Get this- if they receive everything they requested from Tiffany's, their china, glassware and assorted houseware total will be more than $6,300.
That includes a platinum rimmed china service for 10, 10 wine glasses at $60 each, 12 champagne flutes at $25 each, a set of $335 salt and pepper shakers, and let's not forget the $235 cheese serving set.
If that's not enough, they also registered at Crate & Barrel, where they ordered a few more thousand bucks worth of flatware, knives, bakeware and 10 of every glass ever know to hold any alcoholic beverage in history.
I have to wonder how all that kitchen stuff will fit in a double wide.
Or maybe they plan to open a bar- with her teaching career shot and Vily being all of 22 now.
Is white trash still white trash if one of them's Samoan?

• Bill Cosby beat charges that he drugged and sexually molested at his estate in Pennsylvania a young woman he was said to be mentoring. Lawyers said the plaintiff took almost a year to report the assault, which contributed to prosecutors declining to file charges against Cosby.
Oh yeah? Well, my old friend Nancy went to high school with a girl who grew up to be a Playboy Bunny. Nancy and her bunny friend have always had one of those "same time next year" love affairs going, and the bunny told her years ago that she had given a very horny Cosby some of her own brand of Jell-O puddin'.
Who'd lie about screwing him? It's not like he's Usher, for Chrissake. Eeuuuwww.

• I don't know about you, but I am so relieved that rapper 50 Cent has settled his feud with his protege rapper The Game. Both Mr. Cent and Mr. Game are admitted former drug dealers and both have survived gunshot wounds.
Mr. Cent is known for his brilliant romance rap lyrics, such as:
You can hum all you want to
Cum all you want to
But I ain't gon' want you
If nobody wants you
You like the smiles n the dimples on my face
BITCH that's a bullet wound I ain't MASE!
50 Cent skip the bullshit, you fuckin' tonight
I got some dro, got some henny
We can go and get right
I ain't never been arrested for nothing domestic
But I ain't gon' lie I'll punch a bitch in the eye
Look, don't play games with me baby
The temptation, the wait, is driving me crazy
Come on give me some ass girl... WHAT UP!
I don't wanna make love
I just wanna fuck
I'm only in town tonight
If you give me some head
Tony, give you some head
Cause I ain't giving you no head, bitch
Tony, Tony be on that freaky shit
My nigga Tony give you some fucking head though
Nada Mean
That's why the bitches love Tony, Ha Ha
A'ight now, Sha let's get to some hard shit!

Not to be outdone, Mr. Game also waxes eloquently in his love songs:

Gangsta Gangsta that's already evident.
Nigga wit a Attitude, check, check my residence.
Whether I'm Crip or Blood, Homie, that's irrelevant.
I'm with the D-O-C, there's nobody better then the west coast felon when he on that lowrider
Bike pedaling, Somebody tell Eazy they still yellin' it.
I'm with ya homie Doc Dre on the television while these niggas moving peanuts like a elephant.
I'm on cars like spinnin' rims.
I'm in a class all by myself like the brown Eminem.
Not to down Eminem I fuck black bitches, fuck white bitches, nigga I like bitches.
Them half and half Alicia Keys dyke bitches.
If the head right, I might Air Nike bitches.
Or put 'em on a track like Just Blaze, I look down on hoes and look up to Dre, cause ain't...
No More Fun and Games.

That's the news from Pulp Friction.
A'ighty, then.

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