Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Confidential Journal of Liz Cheney

The same day I tell the media I "may" want to run for public office "when the time is right" (wink wink), that awful mainstream media starts talking about Daddy's secret assassination squad and how he advised the CIA not to tell the liberal Congress about it.
Those liberal Jews at the New York Times are all over the story and you can just tell how they love the idea of destroying Daddy's distinguished legacy of service to the nation, not to mention derailing my political career before it even takes off.
Oh, for Gosh sakes, don't they understand that Daddy just wanted to catch terrorists? Obviously, the loony liberals on the left couldn't care less about stopping the terrorists; all they care about are silly things like "empathy" and making things easy for those who hate America for its freedom and want to kill us.
So what if Daddy told those blabbermouths in the CIA not to tell those blabbermouths in Congress about his special program?
Don't they understand that we Real Americans know all this partisan kerfuffle is about protecting that liar Nancy Pelosi and her elite millionaire liberal pals in Frisco?
No sir, this witch hunt is about partisan politics, period!!
It has nothing to do with quaint notions about protocol and outdated laws, it's about Daddy's patriotism, strong leadership and his desire to protect America from the kind of terrorists that Obama used to pal around with when he was a "community organizer," whatever that is.
Daddy has been victimized long enough!!!
He called me from the bunker today and said he was counting on me to hit the news media (Fox News) and defend him. He's too modest to defend himself.
He reminded me "the best defense is a good offense" and ticked off the main talking points I should keep repeating:
1. Obama has ruined the economy and he'll use this to take disappointed Americans' minds off his failures and broken promises.
2. Nancy Pelosi started this smear campaign to save her hide over lying about the CIA. That turncoat Leon Panetta is in on it.
3. Obama and Holder are both Black, so going after Daddy truly is reverse racism.
4. Daddy was only the vice president, so it would have been Bush to design the program and demand the CIA's silence, not Daddy's.
5. An investigation would be so hard on Daddy, with his bad heart it could kill him. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid would love nothing more than killing Daddy.
6. This is all just politics as usual, and that hurts America. When Daddy was in office, he'd never dream of putting partisanship over patriotism.
7. At least he didn't disgrace the GOP by cheating on Mother.
8. Sarah Palin's resignation and her steady stream of drama are far more interesting than another tedious judicial investigation.
9. An investigation is exactly what Osama Bin Laden would want. In fact, he's probably behind all the lies and rumors, and in cahoots with Obama.
10. Obama said he wanted to "look forward, not backward." What a dirty liar, who's proven once and for all he can't be trusted.
Fortunately for Daddy, I have his same fighting spirit and I intend to hit the airwaves and repeat all 10 of his talking points until this whole silly kerfuffle blows over.
Mary may think she's the son Daddy never had, but everyone knows I'm more like Daddy than her. She's tons more like Mother!!!


FranIAm said...

Liz - you go girl! Give 'em hell, you are very daddy-esque!

nonnie9999 said...

did deadeye dick forget to remind her that obama doesn't have a birth certificate?

Lulu Maude said...

Nobody wants to cheat with the Dick.

KarenZipdrive said...

With his penchant for war and torture, I have a hunch Dick can't get Little Dick to suit up for battle in the boudoir.

dguzman said...

It's a good thing she's already started memorizing her script.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Yeah, she's gonna need it tout de suite.

bigsis said...

What the heck can she be thinking? Maybe she thinks if she can get into office she can work behind the scenes to keep her evil father from going to prison.

I think she should run for President and Palin can be her running mate. That doesn't sound like a crazy idea, right?

Karen Zipdrive said...

She's an idiot.
Now that daddy's back hiding in his bunker, she was on TV today saying he never discussed classified government programs with her or anyone, then she assured us he never broke any laws regarding classified government programs.
Her gall is only exceeded by her arrogance in thinking we're buying her line of bull.

Distributorcap said...

where is Gipetto?