It's been too dry in South Texas to buy aerial fireworks. All they're selling this year is little chickenshit fire crackers and sparklers, and as Munitions Procurement Officer for the Zipdrive family, I am disappointed.
So, my sibs and I put our heads together and came up with a wonderful alternate plan.
BigBro lives on a huge lake near Austin, and the lake is dotted with tiny hick towns for miles around.
So this year, we're packing bbq babybacks, Big Sis's signature potato salad, champagne and other yummy comestibles onto his boat and going to a little burg called Kingsland to watch from the boat one of Texas's biggest firework displays ever. Not only has the town planned for a display, some good ole' boy Texas millionaire is planning his own show to go with it.
Texas good ole' boy millionaires are known for their outrageously lavish event planning. One year, a guy who lives near my brother had the public road redone for the party he was hosting on his ranch. He also hired helicopters to take his party guests for rides.
People are always saying what a rathole Texas is, but when it comes to stuff like this, we believe anything worth doing is worth overdoing. YeeHAW!