Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Alabama) Questions Sonia Sotomayor
JS: Good Mornin.'
SS: Good morning, Senator Sessions.
JS: Uhh, Justice Soniamayor, bein' a Mexican and all, if you get confirmed what'll keep ya from openin' the Mexican border and lettin' in all your tias and tios and cousins and whatnot?
SS: Well Senator, I am a Judge who's hoping to be confirmed as a Justice, and I'm Puerto Rican, so I have no relatives from Mexico. But if I were of Mexican descent, I would still uphold the immigration laws as written.
JS: Aight then, what would stop you from openin' the Puerto Rico border and lettin' in all your kinfolk?
SS: If there were a border between Puerto Rico and the United States, I would still uphold existing immigration laws.
JS: Are you plannin' to confiscate everbody's guns and weapons?
SS: Sir, Justices do not make law, so even if I had such plans to confiscate weapons I would not have the power to do so.
JS: So you're sayin' if you could, you would.
SS: No sir, I have never contemplated such an action because a Jurist does not have the power to make law.
JS: Jurist? Are you confusin' bein' a judge with bein' on jury duty?
SS: No sir, a Jurist is a synonym for Judge.
JS: Yeah, I know that awready, but what's this about a synonym, are you sayin' you're Jewish in addition to bein' Mexican?
SS: No sir, I am Christian.
JS: You bein' a Yankee and all, what're your views on the confederate flag?
SS: Well, I have mixed feelings. For some, the confederate flag is part of their Southern heritage, yet for others it symbolizes oppression. But again, Justices do not make laws, so my feelings about the confederate flag are moot.
JS: You just said what you think, so how can that be mute?
SS: I said moot, sir.
JS: Well, no matter how you pronunciate the word, if you said it then you ain't mute.
SS: All right.
JS: Now let's just cut to the chase, okay? You said a wise Latina woman was smarter and better then white guys, right?
SS: No sir, I said a Latina woman with wisdom would bring a fresh perspective to the bench, and in some cases that perspective might result in a wiser verdict.
JS: So you're sayin' you think a Latina woman makes better decisions.
SS: No sir, I'm saying...
JS: Never you mind, I think we all git it.
SS: Thank you, Senator.
JS: When did you stop being prejudiced against all white people?
SS: Stop? I never started.
JS: So you haven't stopped?
SS: No sir, I am not prejudiced against any segment of the population.
JS: Well, Miss Soniamayor, I read up on all your past statements and I gotta say I ain't convinced you can be impartial to people who ain't Mexicans like you.
SS: Sir, I have done my best to explain the nuances of my statements.
JS: So you're sayin' me askin' you to explain your racist statements is a nuisance?
SS: I said nuances, not nuisance.
JS: Okay, well, your partial and racist statements are on the record, so you can paint a horse yeller but it still ain't a taxi cab.
SS: Sir, I have done my best to explain the intentions I had behind my statements, but of course you are free to interpret them as you see fit.
JS: Well, thank you very much for your permission.
SS: I did not mean to imply that...
JS: The Ritchie case tells me that you think negro firemen should get special treatment.
SS: Not at all, sir, I merely applied the law as I understood it, as did the majority of my fellow jurists.
JS: Yeah, right. Why have a whole passel of your decisions been overturned by the Supreme Court?
SS: I believe when a case is presented to the Supreme Court, when the Court agrees with the lower court's verdict, they are less likely to accept the case for review. Therefore, when they accept a case, they are more likely to have dissenting opinions.
JS: Well, that's just a big pile of gobbledygook, innit?
SS: Pardon me?
JS: Pardon you? Why, did you burp up your chimichangas from breakfast?
JS: Oh, so now you're deaf and mute?
SS: Sir, I find this line of questioning quite...
JS: Yeah, well, I think we got a real clear pitcher of what your game is, Justice Soniamayor. I gotta say, I'd rather vote for a barrow hog painted in rainbow stripes and chewin' tobacca then vote for a racist Mexican lady who hates white men and all fire fighters.
SS: Sir, I must protest.
JS: Yeah, I betcha you do. Your people love them protest marches. Anyhoo, I really appreciate this opportunity to expose your prejudices. I'm outta here. Adios!
SS: Chinga tu madre.
JS: What's that mean? I don't speak Mexican.
SS: It means, "thank you for your thoughtful questions."
JS: You're welcome, young lady.