Friday, July 10, 2009

Recently Discovered Instant Messages Between John Ensign and Mark Sanford

BigJohn6969: Hey Mark, saw you online- you busy?
Marco Dulce: Hey John, whats up?
BigJohn6969: Certainly not me!
Marco Dulce: Yeah I feel you, brother. Our bedroom is as cold as a meat locker.
BigJohn6969: The wife won't forgive u?
Marco Dulce: LOL! Forgive me? She's got my johnson in a safety deposit box at the bank. She don't want it but she don't want any1 else to have it either.
BigJohn6969: I guess you heard about the "gifts" my daddy gave the pests, huh?
Marco Dulce: Yeah I wanna thank u for getting me off the front pages! LOL
BigJohn6969: Yeah and thank God for Sarah Palin and Michael Jackson LOLOLOL
Marco Dulce: No joke, man. RU still jonesing for your gal?
BigJohn6969: Big time! But her stupid husb is shaking me down for more $ every day. Well not me but my dad.
Marco Dulce: I'm hatching a great plan to get around the wife & kids. Maria's in Buenos Aries getting her hair dyed and her eyebrows trimmed and I'm fixin to move her to SC and hire her as our new "Mexican maid."
BigJohn6969: That's cold, man! Think the wife will buy it?
Marco Dulce: I doubt she'll care. All she does anymore is shop & spend my money.
BigJohn6969: I tried to kiss mine goodbye on the cheek the other day and she kneed me in the nuts.
Marco Dulce: She let you get that close? Mine makes me sleep in the Escalade out in the garage.
BigJohn6969: Oh shit i gotat go shes coming and im not supposed 2b on comp seeya


Dusty said...

Ya know..these fuckers act all contrite in front of the press, but you just know they really don't feel that way.

good one KZ!

HelenWheels said...

Laughing my goddamn ass off, KZD!!


You have to come by, I posted a report Rachel did last night about the uber-creepy secret "Christian" society these two asswipes belong to.

I hadn't heard of it before, it is mind-blowing.

nonnie9999 said...

too fucking funny! sparky marky mark can't even tell the truth to his buddy, ensign. jenny is the one with the money, not him. they should think about becoming swingers. maybe ensign's wife can learn to speak with a spanish accent.

bigsis said...

Hilarious Zip. I noticed Maureen O'Dowd recently did the Secret Diary of Sarah Palin, not unlike the ones you've been doing for quite a while.

Maureen, see if you can top this one!!