Friday, August 28, 2009

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The Greatest Hits:
Republican Statements We'll Never Forget

"I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president." George W. Bush

"I can see Russia from my back porch." Sarah Palin

"I had other priorities in the sixties than military service." –on his five draft deferments. Dick Cheney

"I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office." former Sen. Bill Frist, MD, on the viewing of Terry Schiavo's xrays.

Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin to name one Supreme Court decision besides Roe v. Wade.
Palin's reply?
(Cue in the sound of crickets)

"Don Rumsfeld is the finest Secretary of Defense this nation has ever had." Dick Cheney

"I'm the decider." George W. Bush

"Pelosi is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said that she's just trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that over 2,000 years ago, they saved the planet -- we didn't need Nancy Pelosi to do that." Rep. Michele Bachmann

"Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy." Dick Cheney

Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted." George W. Bush

"The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material." -- Former Senate Commerce Committee Chairman Ted Stevens.

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." Dick Cheney, on the Iraq insurgency, June 20, 2005.

"I think it was in the Rose Garden where I issued this brilliant statement: If I had a magic wand -- but the president doesn't have a magic wand. You just can't say, 'low gas.'" George W. Bush

"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, in an interview with Katie Couric

This fellow here over here with the yellow shirt, Macaca, or whatever his name is. He's with my opponent... Let's give a welcome to Macaca, here. Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia." Sen. George Allen

"I can press when there needs to be pressed; I can hold hands when there needs to be -- hold hands." George W. Bush, on how he can contribute to the Middle East peace process.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists -- we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want." Rush Limbaugh

"I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out -- is this wrong?" Glenn Beck

"I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." Bill Bennett, former Education Secretary, Bush administration.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." Rev. Pat Robertson

The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be "What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?" Glenn Beck

"I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate.

"At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." John McCain, to his wife.

"Senate Democratic leaders have painted a very bleak picture of the U.S. economy. Harry Reid was talking about soup lines, and Hillary Clinton was talking about the economy being on the verge of collapse. Yet, in the same breath, they say that Social Security is rock solid and there's no crisis there. How are you going to work -- you said you're going to reach out to these people -- how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?" --White House "correspondent"Jeff Gannon, asking President Bush a question at a news conference. Gannon, a Republican shill was also known as James Guckert, a paid escort for wealthy homosexuals and the creator of Web sites titled,, and

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."
George W. Bush

"Sarah Palin has foreign policy experience because her state is across the Bering Sea from Russia." Steve Doocy, Fox News

"You've done a nice job decorating the White House." Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House.

"I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged." —Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia

"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." Mitt Romney, on strapping his dog to the top of the car.

"I don’t recall." Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who repeated the phrase 122 times in response to congressional questions about the firing of U.S. attorneys

"I have a wide stance." Former Sen. Larry Craig

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." Pat Robertson

"Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners. And the same standards of clarity and candor must now be applied to my opponent." John McCain

"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." Sarah Palin, discussing a federal department that does not exist.

"The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies." Rush Limbaugh

"I don’t think the issues about being against gay marriage. It’s about being for traditional marriage and articulating the reason that’s important. You have to have a basic family structure. There’s never been a civilization that has rewritten what marriage and family means and survived." Mike Huckabee

"I think ― I'll have my staff get back to you. It's condominiums where ― I'll have them get to you." John McCain, after being asked how many houses he and his wife Cindy own.

"I AM the federal government." Tom DeLay, to the owner of Ruth's Chris Steak House, after being told to put out his cigar because of federal government regulations banning smoking in the building.

"I said a little prayer before I actually did the fingerprint thing, and the picture. And my prayer was basically: 'Let people see Christ through me. And let me smile.'" Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, on being arrested and posing for his mug shot.

"I've been racking my brain. I've been trying to figure out how Bob Dole's luggage got on my airplane...I told the doctor, I said, 'Look, I'm worried about the next election.' ... A misunderstanding." Rush Limbaugh, after he was detained by custom officials for possessing Viagra with a prescription made out in someone else's name.

"I sold the state's private jet on E-Bay" Sarah Palin, who sold the jet at a substantial loss, and not on E-Bay.

"We're going to bring back God and the Bible and drive the gods of secular humanism right out of the public schools of America." Pat Buchanan

"So many minority youths had volunteered that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like myself." Tom DeLay, explaining at the 1988 GOP convention why he and vice presidential nominee Dan Quayle did not fight in the Vietnam War.

"Sarah Palin knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America... and, uh, she also happens to represent, be governor of a state that's right next to Russia." John McCain

"I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." Pat Robertson

"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." Sarah Palin

"Is Obama secretly in favor of getting rid of the dollar and replacing it with a multi-national currency?" Rep. Michele Bachmann

"Our economy, I think, is still ― the fundamentals of our economy are strong." John McCain, 2008.

"Go fuck yourself." Dick Cheney to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton.

"Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills." Tom DeLay, on causes of the Columbine High School massacre, 1999.

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." Sarah Palin

"Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." George W. Bush

"The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should. I've got Greenspan's book." John McCain.

"I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to Nowhere." Sarah Palin

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." Ann Coulter

"It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out." Sarah Palin, explaining why she was a quitter.

"I don't believe there is a separation of church and state. I think the Constitution is very clear. The only separation is that there will not be a government church." Tom DeLay

"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards, but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot." Ann Coulter

"I am not a federal employee. I am a constitutional officer. My job is the Constitution of the United States, I am not a government employee. I am in the Constitution." Tom DeLay

"I'm going to put people in my place, so when the history of this administration is written at least there's an authoritarian voice saying exactly what happened." George W. Bush

"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators." Dick Cheney, on the Iraq invasion March 16, 2003

"I'm more of a man than any liberal." Ann Coulter

"This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation...I'm talking about people having a good time, these people, you ever heard of emotional release? You ever heard of the need to blow some steam off?" -Rush Limbaugh, on the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal

"This is their (Obama's) agenda," Bachmann stated. "I know it is hard to believe, it's hard to fathom -- but this is 'mission accomplished' for them," she asserts. "They want Americans to take transit and move to the inner cities. They want Americans to move to the urban core, live in tenements, [and] take light rail to their government jobs. That's their vision for America." Rep. Michele Bachmann

"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President." Ann Coulter

"Too many whites are getting away with drug use...Too many whites are getting away with drug sales...The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them, and send them up the river, too." Rush Limbaugh in 1995

"I am addicted to prescription pain medication." Rush Limbaugh in 2003

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much." Ann Coulter, on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration

"We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." Ann Coulter arguing that it would be better all Americans were Christian.

"Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."
Rush Limbaugh

"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best." George W. Bush

I know I left some out. Please add your favorites in the comments.


nonnie9999 said...

I am not a crook.--Tricky Dick

Dan Quayle:

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

St. Ronnie:

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.

All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.

Jerry Falwell:

The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews.

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.


When we were in college we used to take a popcorn popper -- because that was the only thing they would let us have in the dorms -- and fry squirrels in the popcorn popper.

Bill O'Asshole:

I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship. ... There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.

Matty Boy said...

"I can see Russia from my back porch." Sarah Palin

She didn't say this, Tina Fey did. She correctly stated you could see a part of Russia from a part of Alaska. Her statement was meaningless, but accurate. Fey's was inaccurate, but funny.

Fran said...

For the Gipper:

"All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk."
--Ronald Reagan (Republican candidate for president), quoted in the Burlington (Vermont) Free Press, February 15, 1980. (In reality, the average nuclear reactor generates 30 tons of radioactive waste per year.)

Potato Head Quayle"

I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
Dan Quayle

What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is.
Dan Quayle

The terminator-

Gray Davis can run a dirty campaign better than anyone, but he can't run a state.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

He really IS a republican- stood @ the poduim @ the Repug Ntl Convention, pitching McCain..
Joooooooooe Lieeeebermaaaaan

Every day Saddam remains in power with chemical weapons, biological weapons, and the development of nuclear weapons is a day of danger for the United States.
Joe Lieberman

America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
George W. Bush

The snake--
Dick Cheney speaking about Guantanamo bay prisoner detainees (the ones experiencing enhanced interrogation)

"They're living in the tropics. They're well fed. They've got everything they could possibly want," the vice president said.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Nonnie, Matty and Fran~
See, this is a game we could play all week without ever running out of stupid quotes!
Just wait till D-Cap gets here!

Fran said...

Karen~ Sadly, you are correct.
Someone dedicated an entire book to Ronald Reagan gaffes called *Reign of Error*.
Because when he went off script, there was trouble.

Distributorcap said...

'a nation of whiners.'

Phil Gramm

"Go Fuck Yourself"

Dick Cheney to Pat Leahy

"What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is that they all want to stay in Texas. Everybody is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway so this is working very well for them."

Barbara Bush

"That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. "

Rick Santorum

"It doesn't help matters, when [Murphy] Brown, a character who supposedly epitomizes today's intelligent, highly paid professional woman is portrayed as mocking the importance of fathers, by bearing a child alone, and calling it just another 'life-style choice.' "

Dan Quayle fighting with a fictional character

Karen Zipdrive said...

"You're doin' a heckuva job, Brownie."

HelenWheels said...

Every one I've thought up you guys covered. BRILLIANT!! The Jessica Simpson one nearly made me spew water across the room.

Holy crap that's a lot of stupid. And I'm sure there are 1000's more. I'm going to wrack my brain now.

Dusty said...

Ok, I have saved this DKos post for the last couple of years..dunno why..but now I am glad I did:

Here are some from that post that I adore for their stupidity:
If you’ve seen one city slum, you’ve seen them all.-- Spiro Agnew

Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life."-- Orrin Hatch

These are not bad people. All they are concerned about is to see that their sweet little girls are not required to sit in school alongside some big overgrown Negroes. President Eisenhower commenting on racial segregationalists after the Brown vs. Board of Ed decision.

"President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale."--Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, testifying before Congress

Karen Zipdrive said...

OMG Dusty--I think the Alberto Gonzalez quote takes the cake.

Dusty said...

I know Karen! But I wish there was a way to prove he was actually fucktarded enough to say that.

It's hard to believe a sitting AG would say that...even 'Berto.