The Faux Girly Girl
My best friend Anna is hosting a baby shower on Sunday for her preggers friend Eleanor.
I happened to be present for the initial idea of the shower and was roped in by default.
Turns out Ms. Prada (aka Anna) has all the skills at planning girly events as a pro wrestler might.
Poor dear doesn't even have rudimentary garnishing tools.
So here comes the old dyke to the rescue.
I amused myself by forcing Anna to look through a garnishing book of assorted carved fruits and veggies as table adornments. She nixed the yellow squash ducks, the tomato roses and most of the other cutsie things.
I'll be carving a watermelon into a baby carriage and filling it with assorted melon balls. The wheels will be orange slices with cherry hubcaps.
Anna rolled her eyes, saying it might be better to just call a caterer and order up piles of baby shower food.
I think a woman needs to know how to cater her own baby shower.
Fortunately, I was raised by gay men who appreciated the fine art of frou-frou.
I am looking forward to laying out the pastel butter mints, filling the little nut cups, and making the super slim finger sandwiches with the crusts cut off.
I even hauled out of storage an ancient heirloom punchbowl my parents got as a wedding present back in the 40's. Yes, we are making punch and I am forcing Anna to create an ice block filled with cherries and slim citrus wedges. She nixed the edible flower idea.
She may be wearing the perfect hostess ensemble for this event and I may be in a loose T-shirt and shorts, but by God, I'll be the faggot who was behind the scenes making everything look girly.