Kobe the Schmuck
L.A. Lakers superstar guard and noted ball hog Kobe Bryant was arrested for felonious sexual assault in Colorado on Friday, where he turned himself in and posted a $25,000 bond.
Seems Kobe allegedly raped a woman in a hotel near Vail on June 1. Prosecutors investigated the crime for more than a month and claim to have plenty of physical evidence and credible witnesses. No rush to justice there, Johnny Cochran.
Arresting a superstar from a big market team like the Lakers would require insanely extensive evidence, lest Colorado police and prosecutor heads would roll.
Bryant was married in April 2001, and he and his wife had a baby girl in January.
I know Laker fanatics will claim the alleged rape was consensual sex.
So, that would mean he's just a rat who cheats on his 19-year-old bride while she stays at home watching their infant.
I don't like the Lakers but I begrudgingly admired Kobe's talent on the court. I also respected his dedication to off-season practice and conditioning. His ego, which is roughly the size of Maine, I never liked.
Kobe's NBA salary contract is somewhere in the $70 million neighborhood. Commercial endorsements add probably another $20 million annually.
This will be an interesting case to watch.
If the DNA evidence and witnesses are credible enough to warrant a guilty verdict, will he be sentenced and jailed like any other thug rapist punk, or will he get a little hand slap and be out in time for game one of the new season?
My bet is the little weasel will be suited up and off the hook well before the season begins.
I can just see it.
Flanked by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and the reincarnation of Martin Luther King, he'll insist it was a case of inadvertent, consensual sex and that he made a terrible mistake, then he'll talk about God or Jesus appearing to him and causing a spiritual rebirth and all the sorrow and regret he feels over his first and only carnal transgression.
Then he'll say he's come out of this a better man, he's gotten counseling and all is well in the Bryant household.
A word to his bride.
If he admits screwing this woman (and DNA may force him to do that), take him for all he's got, grab the baby and go out and find yourself a decent guy who can keep it in his pants.