Monday, July 21, 2003

Harry Potter Five, All Done

I finished reading the freakin' 12,500 page tome and I gotta say, 15-year-olds, even Harry Potter, suck.
Here's just a brief list of things wrong with that book:
• It was too damn long.
• It weighed about six pounds and made me tired just holding it.
• Nobody had any fun at all except for those two geeky Weasley twins, and whoopie cushions and fake, exploding bat barf are only so funny.
• Hagrid is an idiot.
• How can a centaur write on a damned chalkboard?
• Cho Chang needs some Mydol.
• Harry needed to just grab her and lay one on her to shut her up.
• What good did it do to keep Harry from playing Quidditch?
• If Dumbledore is so damn powerful, how did he let Hogwarts get so fucked up?
• Why didn't someone put the deadly crustacean curse on that old bitch who took over?
• Why hasn't someone cornered Malfoy and just corn-holed the little bastard?
• Why didn't Harry start feeling sorry for Snape after he saw what they did to him as a teen?
• Weren't Ron and Hermoine supposed to start getting it on this year?
• Who won the house cup this year?
J.K. Rowling is slipping. The only thing she did really right this time was keeping the Dobby references to a minimum.

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