Kobe's New Ads
(SETTING: Kobe, reclining in a hotel bed, taking a long sip from an icy can of Sprite.)
KOBE: After I have some rough, consensual sex, nothing quenches my thirst like a Sprite.
(SETTING: Kobe, lacing up some shiny Nike sneakers, just before he's escorted from his jail cell and led by officers to his trial courtroom)
KOBE: The best thing about Kobe Wipe-Offs from Nike is that sweat, body fluids and DNA wipe right off. So, on the court or in the court, Kobe Wipe-Offs are the shoe for me, and the shoe for you.
Jury Foreman: Not guilty, your honor.
(CLOSE UP: KOBE'S SMILING FACE, WINKING)
KOBE: See what I mean?