Torture

Today, all day, I have a job judging a statewide newspaper contest. The pay is great but the job is arduous.
I'll have to read maybe 200 entries in 10 categories and choose the winners.
That means I have to read all the losers, too.
When one writes for a 4-page newspaper in Muleshoe, Texas, one may be tempted to go a little folksy in his or her writing style. I hate folksy.
Another cringe factor category is the feature photography. Inevitably there will be pictures of toddlers with bunnies, toddlers with Santa, toddlers draped in American flags, toddlers with pie on their heads, toddlers with puppies...ehh, you get the picture.
With the recent threats to our freedom, I'll also have to read a few scores of hyper patriotic editorials. The smaller the town, the more emphatic the editorial.
In most of them, the word "liberal" is on a par with "incest," "flag burning," "dog shooting" and "mama slapping."
I've already been warned, one entrant was so impressed with her historical documentary news stories, she entered 40 of them. I have read 500 of them from past years. I am so looking forward to reading the history of the brass water fountain located next to the old hitchin' post in Shinola, Texas.
So, off I go into Badnewsville.
It's times like this I wish I was a drunk. But the day is young, I may still have time.