Monday, June 23, 2003

On Spiritual Evolution

You know, as one gets older, one starts to seek a firmer spiritual foundation where serenity and a closer relationship with God becomes far more paramount to a fulfilled and happy existence.
My own quest for spiritual growth has been coming along pretty well, except for a few minor bumps in the road.
I pray for relief from those vexations to my spirit:

Dear God,
Please smite my stupid big sister and make her shut up and stop being so fucking bossy. (Sorry about the "fucking" part, God, I am still a student here).
Also God, if you would, please stop interrupting my really good sex life with my partners' emotional issues. I don't want issues, God, I just want more of those big fat orgasms that cause me to Praise Your Name out loud.
And if you will, God, could you please find a way to make Healthy Choice sugar-free ice cream in a way that doesn't cause such disgustingly loud flatulence and the noxious fumes that accompany it? Same with soy beans, God, could you zap some of the gas out of those, too?
Also, as I sit outside to contemplate all the Glory You Created, could you please lower the humidity and temperature a tad, and kill off all those fucking mosquitoes?
Another thing, God, could you please call on your angels to avenge the devil called Mailer Daemon who filleth my e-mail box with vermin and evil? He also goes by the name of Spam and offers filthy temptations like penis enlargement and Viagra by mail. He must be stopped, his evil empire is growing.
Another small item, if You will. There's a person here on Earth called George W. Bush who leadeth us toward the rings of Hell. He makes war in Your name, he spends our money on evil things and he seems to be just the kind of wolf in sheep's clothing You warned us about in that Book of yours. Could you just smite him around a little?

Thank You for all Your heavenly blessings (besides these small detours to my spiritual awakening),


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