Remedies for Ruined Romance
I have it made.
My best friend Anna ran interference this afternoon, and in a few hours was able to sever the last material ties that bound me to my newly former girlfriend.
I have my stuff back and her stuff is in Anna's custody, waiting to be handed over to its rightful owner.
Another friend dropped in later and delivered to my door a little packet of Valium.
I am not a regular user of tranquilizers, but this was the perfect time for some. A friend from San Diego arranged this special delivery, so it was a national effort.
I had two perfect chicken chalupas for dinner with Anna, which is the South Texas equivalent of matzo ball soup for a headcold. Soon I will have some sweet, ripe, cold watermelon balls. Both have mysterious healing qualities.
Meanwhile, my Nets fan friend Mary Delli Santi dutifully paid off her NBA bet and I received a $20 Amazon gift certificate. I bought Hillary Clinton's new book with the winnings, so I was able to get something I wanted and piss off Barcodie in one fell swoop.
I have had several soothing phone calls from here and all over the country.
I believe I have managed to shave off the biggest splinters lodged in my broken heart.
I no longer want to call her and tell her what for.
I no longer want her to be swallowed up in deep waves of regret.
I think most of the hard dwelling has been tranquilized, fed, exhausted and otherwise quelled. I want her to go in peace, find what she's looking for and include me out of her future plans.
I did a tarot reading earlier today.
Under 'significant other,' it said, "The Two of Coins in this position indicates that your significant other may be thinking in an all-or-nothing manner right now, seeing things in terms of extremes. When the mind is set up to view the world as consisting of opposing, mutually exclusive contrasts, there is not a lot of room for creative flexibility."
Well, that's sort of her problem now, I think.
My job is to absorb the shock, accept the change, learn from the situation and move on.
God, grant me the serenity to yadda, yadda, yadda.
And thank God for Anna, Valium, chalupas, watermelon and spell check.