Wednesday, October 19, 2005

A Day in the Life of Scottie McClellan, Bush's Pudgy Queer Spokes-liar
By Karen Zipdrive™

Flashback to 2003:
"There's been nothing, absolutely nothing, brought to our attention to suggest any White House involvement, and that includes the vice-president's office as well." Scottie said.

Mid-October, 2005:
Reporter: Does the president still have confidence in Karl Rove?
Scottie: "What I said previously still stands. You can go back and look at it - I'd be glad to show you the transcript when that question came up last time."
Reporter: "So, he does still have full confidence? "
Scottie: "We've already addressed that."
Reporter: "If you've addressed it, why can't you repeat it for me?"
Scottie: "Why do you have to keep asking a question then that I've already answered when..."
Reporter: "You didn't answer it."
Scottie: "Did too."
Reporter: "Did not"
Scottie: "Did too."
Reporter: "Did not"
Scottie: "Did too."
Reporter: "Did not"
Scottie: "I answered it that last time, and what I said then was my answer then and now my answer is that it's an ongoing investigation and I can't comment on ongoing investigations."
Reporter: "I didn't ask about the investigation, I asked if the president still had confidence in Rove's innocence."
Scottie: "And I said, I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation."
Reporter Helen Thomas breaks in: "Damn it, Scottie, are you really this fucking stupid to think this shell game is working?"
Scottie: "I am sure you are rooting for the 9/11 terrorists and would like to see the President's initiatives to bring democracy to the entire Middle East region fail, Helen... NEXT?"
Helen Thomas: "What do terrorists have to do with Karl Rove leaking Valerie Plame's name?"
Scottie: "We are taking the war to them so they don't bring it to us."
Helen Thomas: "Huh? What's that got to do with Bush's continued confidence in Rove?"
Scottie: "As I said, we've already addressed that."
Helen Thomas: "No we haven't."
Scottie: Yes we have, and we are out of time now. Helen, have a nice day aiding and abetting the Arab terrorists, since you are an old Arab and all...

(Waddles off the podium)

(FOX NEWS announcer:)
"Well, once again, Press Secretary Scott Mc Clellan did a masterful job of answering questions that the obviously biased left-wing press corps failed to comprehend... over to you, Brit."
(Brit Hume:)
"And now, on to some GOOD news about Iraq: How a brave American soldier reunited a little Iraqi boy with his one-legged dog, Jabbar..."

7 comments: said...

Helen Thomas is arabic? since when? Scottie couldn't snow the press corps and Helen called his sorry ass on it, so he backtracked to the old "if you're not with us, you're with the 9-11 terrerists..." bullshit line. Goes to show that they've got...nothing...absolutely nothing, except a pack of lies that no one believe anymore.

KZ...know where I can find audio? I'll check on mediamatters just to be safe...

Karen Zipdrive said...

Doggo- there is no audio, per se. I took actual snippets of real press briefings and added a few twists of my own.
As for the Helen Thomas part, Repugnican pundit and full time bitch Ann Coulter once referred to Helen Thomas as "that old Arab."
Naturally, the GOP embraced it, thinking they could malign the integrity of a newswoman who's served the media honorably since the Kennedy administration.

Lulu Maude said...

Too wicked, Darlin'! What a joy you are to read!

JimBob said...

i'm laughin' so hard, i'm cryin'.

great post, karen!

Karen Zipdrive said...

I am blushing amidst all this praise, and inspired to do more.
Thank you kindly, you two.
What would you like next? Perhaps a page or two from "Bush's Secret Journal"?

JimBob said...

i wanna see a vid clip of his "newly-discovered" incestuous porno video where he gets coked up and ends up in bed with his two drunken daughters.

i just reread that and it's kinda gross. but i'm too lazy to backspace, so yer stuck with it.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Okay, I'll admit it- I did allow myself a 'moment' of envisioning it.
Then I puked up a little oatmeal.