Sunday, October 05, 2008

Nonnie9999 is My All-Time Heroine

My friends, if you haven't yet visited Hysterical Raisins (listed to the right)you are missing the best Photoshopped political humor in Bloggodelphia.
Nonnie9999, though I know nothing about her except for her talent, has a standing invitation to move to Texas and into my home where I will provide her with a huge screen computer, a zillion nanogigs and pay all her bills just so I can come home from work every evening and say, "Nonnie, what did you Photoshop today?"

I am using her graphic to illustrate the point of this entry.
I think our side is gonna win.
Yes, for the first time since this never-ending election season began, I am truly feeling optimistic.
-First of all, this maverick shit has started to bore even the stupidest voters out there.
See, mavericks don't say they're mavericks. Bad asses don't say they're bad asses- they don't need to. Nor do mavericks.
It's just not mavericky to brag about being a maverick.
-Second, it turns out people don't like grouchy old farts with trophy wives, $500 Ferrigamo loafers and throbbing melanoma bulges on their faces.
-Third, Palin may be one of the only even remotely fuckable Republican women, but her voice, her mangled syntax and all that winking and posing are turning people off. Tina Fey has single-handedly made it totally uncool to like Palin.
-Fourth, the McCains own too much shit and people resent that. From all those houses to that fleet of cars to the $100 million beer franchise to the private jet to Cindy's $300,000 fashion and jewelry ensemble she wore to the RNC, people know they can't relate to common schlubs like us.
-Fifth, how many lies can McCain and Palin get caught in telling and repeating before people figure out they're a couple of huge liars?
-Sixth, conservatives like George Will, Peggy Noonan and many others have confessed that McCain has flawed judgment and Palin is Exhibit A.
-Seventh, even religious nuts think churches whose pastors speak in tongues and whose guest pastors perform anti witchcraft rites over politicians think that kind of shit is way too freaky.
-Joe Sixpack might like the common touch, but their politicians cannot be more white trash than they. Moose eating and pregnant teens and shooting animals from an airplane combined are just too lowbrow.
-Frances McDormand won an Oscar portraying a North Dakotan with the most grating regional accent in America. Nobody wants to hear that shit on the evening news 7 days a week.
And finally, people want to bring back Camelot and see the romance brought back to the White House.
Behold this handsome, loving couple:

Yeah, that's an image we'd all like to see representing to the world the best America has to offer.


Matty Boy said...

Point of order, Karen. Frances McDormand's character was from Minnesota, don'tcha know? Ya know, she was from Brainerd, with the big Paul Bunyan! The crime was hatched in Fargo, but most of the action and most of the characters are from Minnesota.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Honey, I'm from Texas.
Minnesota, North Dakota, whatever. Grating is grating.

But that was a good catch, Matty. Thanks.

Got a Grip said...

Karen, I'm in yer threads, enjoyin' yer blog. I love your tribute to nonnie. And I've bookmarked your site, so you've got a new fan.

nonnie9999 said...

awwwww, karen, i am humbled and honored and unworthy and grateful. thank you so much. mmwwaahhhhh!

HelenWheels said...

Nonnie rocks!!! I have to spend more time there! She's soooo talented!!

This made me spew (dammit, I can't ingest ANYTHING when I'm reading you; why do I try??!):

"-Second, it turns out people don't like grouchy old farts with trophy wives, $500 Ferrigamo loafers and throbbing melanoma bulges on their faces."

Holy fuck that is funny, because it's true.

HelenWheels said...

I've actually been to Brainerd and seen the Paul Bunyon! And everyone sounds a lot like Sarah Palin there! It's sort of like a Chicago accent on steroids.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Welcome, got a grip.
Thanks for stopping in.

Got a Grip said...

I'll be back, too, so you've been warned. I've got a tab open with your name on it, so it's a done deal. ;-)

Karen Zipdrive said...

Drink up!

Katie Schwartz said...

A beautiful image indeed and representative of the best of America.

I think our side will win, too. I'm still worried. These next 30-days are critical. Obama has to fight back and hard.

PS: Love the image. Hitting her blog now. THe shrimp and caribou barbie- love it.

Jaliya said...

My god, how refreshing to see a soon-to-be (FINGERS CROSSED!!) First Couple who are so hot for each other! Of the huge glut of Obama-images, this is my runaway fave ... Nothing says "man of integrity" like a woman who melts like Michelle is doing here. Huge yum.

Here's something to while away a few minutes on ... Imagine Frances McDormand as a political candidate giving a speech. She'd be fabulous. If Frances is anything like the characters she's portrayed, you'd see wit up the wazoo, feisty feminism, definitely no winks, and a hell of a mind at work/play.

There's bound to be a big-studio film made about Sarah Palin ... Frances McDormand would be ACE in the title role!

Hmm...who'd play Obama? Biden? McCain?!

Amazing blog you have here, Karen. I'm tagging! :-)

dguzman said...

Sweet. I lost it at "with the most grating regional accent in America. Nobody wants to hear that shit on the evening news 7 days a week." AMEN.

bigsis said...

McCain has to be secretly furious that Palin publicly criticized him for jumping out of the Michigan race. She also said she wishes McCain had told her he was backing out so she could have provided her input, which is that she and Todd could go talk some sense into those people.

Holy crap, she really believes she's a viable VP candidate.

Dusty said...

I want her found guilty in Troopergate and her sidekick to leave the Senate in disgrace.

Oh, and they lose the Presidential election by a fucking landslide.