The Secret Diary of John McCain
Well, the VP debate is over and thank God that stupid cunt Sarah didn't fuck up too bad. Do I sound pissed off?
Yeah well, she promised if I made her my running mate she'd blow me and so far no blow. I hate cockteasers worse than I hate Gooks.
Anyways, we got the debate Nazis to lower the bar enough for old cornpone pussy to pass muster but that's only because Joe was scared to even look at her or else we'd brand him as a sexist prick.
Hell, Joe's too pussywhipped to be sexist. I bet he's never even had a piece besides Jill, he's so whipped.
Anyhow, besides sweating my balls off over how Moose Breath would do in the debate, we also ran into a snafu with the bailout shit.
The goddamn Democrat pundits started sniffing around deregulation legislation that happened a million years ago and when they tried to pin that shit on me I laid low a while until it passed. Karl told me to say I was "suspending my campaign to work on the rescue plan" and goddamn if people didn't buy that shit.
Then the fucking little jerk billed me for $50,000 for the fucking advice. I had one of my goons pay the prick, but once I'm president he better run for cover because I'm gonna kick him back up Bush's stupid ass.
And speaking of stupid asses, I found out Cindy wore $300,000 worth of rags and diamonds at the convention and I came close to giving her the beatdown she's been asking for. She's goddamn lucky I can't raise my arms or make a fist or she'd actually need a Vicodin RX.
I'll be glad when all this shit is over and I'm president so I can tell the ghosts of my dad and his dad that I won, I'm Commander in Chief and they can go fuck themselves.
Bush told me when he got his second term he called his dad and really rubbed it in- said something like, "Bend over, old man, I got two terms and my wife doesn't look like my fuckin' grandma."
Meanwhile, I've called Sarah in for a meeting tomorrow. I'm gonna just tell her I still have time to drop her white trash ass off the ticket, so she better pucker up and blow me good or else. Fuckin' prick tease, I'll show her who's boss.