Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Odds and Ends, Mostly Odds

These self actualization rackets like the Landmark Forum and the Work of Byron Katie continue to get on my nerves. I am safe from direct effects of it, but it's tearing my heart out to see what it's doing to the two women I love most.
My poor girlfriend's idiot zombie boss is breaking all kinds of employment agreements on one side and hawking up platitudes about integrity on the other. Fuck that shit. Walk it, don't talk it. Show, don't tell.
My best friend Anna's husband is walking around in a daze. He's someone I love and consider a dear friend, but he's been avoiding me like I'm smegma. He must know I'd ask him where the fuck his head has gone.
These brainwashing groups may start with the noble idea of providing insight to the mind-needy, but once the money starts rolling in, the original intent becomes polluted. They offer the suckers some intangible thing they think they need, but it's all just smoke and mirrors.
They appeal to the habitual personality, the addict, the soul starved. People don't seem to get they already have everything they need within to find serenity and peace.
All they need to do is live a decent life, don't fuck people over if they can help it, and try to accept change as a part of life, and presto, serenity will be there.

Meanwhile, my 90-year-old mother's cheese is slipping off her cracker.
Senility is overtaking her like a greyhound in a weenie dog race. We are going to take her out of the deluxe, fancy pants assisted living place we put her in last October and put her in a smaller place where they bring her meals and give her meds without her having to figure out when to eat and when to pop her pills.

My life is fine now. I've accepted my diabetes sentence and yesterday I broke down and bought some sugar free Jell-o. I hated it before, but after three weeks of no sugary stuff at all, it tasted like raspberry manna from Heaven.
Maybe it's been the exercise and clearing out the starch and sugar from my intestinal track, but my mind is clearer now and I find myself calmer and more patient. Little problems with Aviva that used to drive me over the edge just don't seem important anymore.
Maybe we just relaxed and started loving each other.
Not to get biblical (oy vey!) but I am reminded of Paul to the Corinthians:
Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs. Love always hopes. Love never fails.
I'm not there yet in every line, but it is something to shoot for.

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