Twas the Day Before Thanksgiving...

Hoo boy. My day before Turkey Day will be a fun one.
Almost a month after diagnosis, I finally have my appointments to see the diabetes nutrition nazi and the diabetes educator.
Today's the day I'll no doubt hear about the need for a kitchen scale so I can weigh my diminutive fish filets and spinach leaves.
I've already come up with some shtick to disrupt the class. Let me try some out on you:

"Hey, those whey protein power shakes mixed with skim milk are a helluva lot better when you add a big scoop of Haagen Dasz."
"I know liquor is bad for us, so I switched to Everclear so I don't need as much to cop a buzz."
"How many carbohydrates are there in a joint?"
"To save fat grams, in my bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches, I only use half the mayo, and I stopped toasting the bread in a pan full of butter."
"Pork chops is white meat, ain't it?"
"When my glucose is high, I find a shot or two of tequila brings the numbers right down."
"I can't give up chocolate, so if I eat some now I just make myself puke it up afterwards."
"I switched to WOW potato chips, and they taste real good with sour cream onion dip."

Between comments, I'm going to hum "Ain't Nothin Gonna Break My Stride."