Thursday, September 26, 2002

No Knock Me Out

My new Chinese Knock-You-Out Pills failed to knock me out last night.
After a scintillating goodnight chat with the Goddess (while I was awaiting the pills to kick in), I said goodnight and clicked off the light.
I fell fast asleep. No bad dream, no good dream, like they said.
By 3 a.m. I was awake as a squirrel on acid.
So I called all my credit card companies and got my balances.
Then I started thinking, "I must have a piece of rolling luggage."
So I dug the Sunday paper out of the recycling bin and started looking for a deal.
Bam! Walmart had an American Tourister priced reasonably.
By 3:30 a.m., I was wearing my new red sports mocs and driving down the freeway like Toonces the Cat to the 24-hour Wallyworld.
Wallyworld after 3 a.m. is totally creepy. Some geek with a floor waxer that sounded and looked exactly like a lawnmower followed me all over the store, just trying to make me flip out.
I ignored him. I was on a mission.
I selected a suitcase large enough for a six week trip to Antarctica. It's so big it has actual Michelin tires on it, and a beeping device for backing up. I had to get license plates for it and put a rider on my car insurance policy. It took up my entire car trunk.
I stopped at one of those fancy Exxon Mini Marts on the way home, planning to get a cup of coffee. They were blasting, "I'm Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, so that woke me up more. You can't hear that song without wanting a muffin, so I got a blueberry muffin the size of a softball.
I am neither cranky nor nervous from smoke cessation. The only side effect I can see so far is I've apparently lost my mind.

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