Tuesday, June 04, 2002

Blog Chef Salad

Tracy and Hoopty have stolen my blog salad concept, so now I am doing a deluxe chef salad, with more bite-sized bloggy bits.

• Watching "Queer As Folk" last night reminded me I am old enough to be advertising scoundrel/fuck machine Brian's mother. That means I am closer in age to Sharon Gless than I am to the regulars on that show. Ugh.
• Hummus is only good when people are around. Otherwise it tastes like library paste mixed with gym sweat.
• If I go to bed at 10 p.m., I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. Further proof that I was not made for full-time, corporate drudgery.
• If Zed wasn't such a sweet, sensuous woman, I'd just forget about romance altogether and become a full time cranky old bat.
• Strawberries are really not that good, they just provide a reason to eat sugar and whipped cream.
• Gain laundry detergent smells so good it makes me want to wash my hair with it.
• After you see your kitten eat his first bug, kissing his little pink lips becomes an idea whose time has passed.
• My friend Brad asked if I wanted to see that new Nicholas Cage movie about Navaho war code. I said no, it's a dick flick. He hadn't realized there are chick and dick flicks.
I said, "Brad, do you see any women in this preview?" He said no, I said, "Dick flick!"
• If I was a billionaire, I'd hire a stooge to keep a list of books I wanted to read, films I wanted to see and CD's I wanted to buy. I'd pay $12k a year for someone to do that.
• I am out of energy bars, available only at Sam's, which means I'll go in to buy a bag of $3.74 bars and end up coming out with $200 worth of other stuff.
• No matter what anyone says, black panty liners are evil.
• When you stop smoking, most of your smoking friends either stop calling you or stop coming over.
• A worker at Six Flags Over Georgia was killed when he wandered into the path of an upside-down roller coaster and was struck in the head. Seems to me even a Walkman couldn't muffle the noise an oncoming roller coaster would make. Sheesh.
• A new study links excessive TV viewing with obesity among small children. Even worse if the TV's in the bedroom. Gee, I wonder how these scientists arrive at these brilliant conclusions?
• Top names for babies last year: Michael, Matthew, Jacob, and Emily, Madison and Alexis. Where have all the Jasons and Ashleys gone? I like to hide between rows in Toys R Us and yell "Madison, get over here this instant!" It causes a little stampede.
• Having babies should be at least as complicated as learning to fly. If God created orgasm as an enticement to breed, shouldn't he step in about now and take some of the hedonistic incentive out of it?

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