Saturday, June 08, 2002

Blog Soup: Part 2

• There's a new Michelin tire commercial, where the Michelin man dances.
They made his legs skinnier and his torso's a little trimmer, too.
Now, that's going too damn far, slimming down the Michelin man.
Are we as a society so fixated on body image that we have to tolerate a more svelte Michelin man? I want my fat Michelin man back, damn it.

• Can anyone tell me why, in San Antonio, Jerry Springer's show is on at 3 p.m. and The View is on at 2 a.m.?

• What the fuck happened to Kirstie Alley? When she was on Cheers she was sort of respectable, pretty and funny. Now she's doing those ridiculous Pier One ads and making herself the Jerry Van Dyke of her era. Let this be a lesson to all the TV stars currently doing successful sitcoms. Save your money!

• Has anyone watched the dating shows 5th Wheel and Rendezvous?
I realize we homosexuals have our own odd mating rituals, but these shows must be so embarrassing for you breeders out there.
The 5th Wheel's premise is to get two men and two women in a Winnebago and have them chitchat, then go on a little date that has a switcharoo in the middle. After the four have gotten to know each other, the RV picks up another person and he or she tries to wedge in. The conversations these people have are simply unbelievable.
Imagine, knowing someone for five minutes, then on camera saying:
Him: "So, what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?"
Her: "Um, I guess, like, watching porno while we were *giggle* doing it on the floor."
Him: "Wow, did you like that?" (rubbing her thigh)
Her: "Uh huh." (tossing her long, blonde hair)
Don't these people have parents and coworkers, for Chrissakes?

Then on Rendezvous, a blind date is arranged and the cameras follow them on their date as a panel of wiseacres make snide comments about the couple. They always select extroverted, borderline personalities, with no boundaries or sense of decorum. The couples invariably get sloshing drunk and emboldened in the process, performing for the cameras like Juicy Lucy and her trained gila monster.
The host is a flaming queen with creepy tinted glasses and a big Pompadour job.
I think gay men produce this show, just to poke fun at straight people.

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