Monday, October 21, 2002

I am Applying for Martha Stewart's Job!

From an AP story:
"...If convicted, Stewart would face a hefty fine, and could be forced out as chairman and chief executive of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Inc., since the SEC would likely seek to bar her from acting as an officer or director of a publicly traded company.

She is already under investigation by the U.S. Justice Department over the stock sales.

Martha Stewart Living has attempted to move other staffers into the limelight since Stewart's legal problems have come to the fore, prominently featuring them in the company's magazine, for example.

But separating Stewart from her company would be no simple task, since she created it in her own image. Martha Stewart Living issued a statement last month denying reports it was actively looking for a new CEO..."

I can do her job as CEO. I have qualifications.

1. I look good in denim workshirts and other man tailored clothing
2. I can make all sorts of arts and crafts crap, and I also do calligraphy
3. I can be at least as bitchy as she
4. I can be treacherous when it suits me
5. I make a perfect Hollandaise and I have chef quality garnishing tools
6. I have two glue guns and know how to use them
7. My hair looks messy all the time, too
8. I like all that prissy New England in autumn shit
9. I know how to slice a mango into perfect one inch squares
10. I have good diction and a thousand adjectives for food topics

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