Tuesday, October 08, 2002

Obla Di Obla Da, Wah Wah Wah...

Why do people even bother to try to work the week before vacation?
I have written four major articles and interviewed 10 people since last Friday and I couldn't tell you what any of the stories were about or any of the interviewees' names if you paid me. The only thing I am sure of is spelling and grammar, and that's because a program did it for me.
Simply put, I don't give a shit.
My dining room table is piled with bills to pay, paperwork to file, new socks and underwear still with tags on them, an assortment of pants, shirts and jackets, hotel brochures, maps, books and little gifts I plan to shlep with me on vacation.
I haven't had time to pack, go to the bank or even daydream about drinking rum punches while watching the little fishing boats bobbing at the docks.
My client has called me at least six times today and she sounds like a parent in a Peanuts cartoon. "Karen? Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah story wah wah wah deadline wah wah wah."
Only heavenly kismet caused me to miss all six of her calls today.
That wah wah wah wah Peanuts voice intolerance has only crept up on me lately.
I am getting too old and jaded to listen to anyone's horseshit for long. When the grifter (aka: the antigoddess) started with that wah wah wah don't interrupt me wah wah wah wah wah wah crap, I just tuned out until I heard the blessed silence of her finally having to swallow. Toward the end, I didn't care that she wouldn't let me talk, I just wanted to hang up and turn the phone ringer off.
I was clearing my voicemail of old, saved messages and I listened to a few of hers- they went from sweet, purring vixen to wah wah wah wah wah in less than two weeks.
I don't care if she could make little origami animals with her labia and braid cherry stems with her tongue, the woman whined and bitched too much to stomach.
I am in a great mood when left in peace to contemplate my vacation.
I am staying at a hotel on the beach and all I have to do is turn right or left to visit lighthouses, quaint seaside villages, shops and restaurants. I am meeting someone there who I know will give me no incessant jabbering and all the space I need to unplug and contemplate nothing.
Vacations should be about contemplating nothing. No wah wah wah.

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