Monday, January 20, 2003

Blog Lies, Real Life Lies, Lies in General

I was thinking about how blogging has no ethical standards for honesty, grammar or syntax, and why that makes it fun because you don't have to agree to do much more than kinda spell right to be considered a viable blog.
See? I just got by with a run-on sentence with no accountability whatsoever.
So the questions are, did I lie as a journalist and do I lie on my blog?
I didn't lie as a journalist.
I can't recall lying on my blog, but to tell the truth, sometimes I do lie. I just can't recall if I have lied here.
After age 40, the taxes come due on all the pot we smoked in the 70's.
We have to pay in brain cells. The tax collector prefers payment in memory cells.
I am all paid-up, but the taxes just about bankrupted my memory account.
It's easier for me not to lie, because it's far too difficult to get caught and try to remember what may or may not have actually occurred.
It's an indefensible dilemma.
However, some lies I believe in telling with neither restraint nor regret:
"No, that doesn't make you look like the Hindenberg."
"Thank you, this is a lovely knick knack."
"Yes, it is the cutest (puppy, kitten, baby, tattoo) I've ever seen."
"Oh, I am sorry, I can't eat this-diabetes, you know."

If I did lie, I could have an infinitely more fascinating blog. Example:
Last night I met up with Jodie Foster at Guero's Bar in Austin.
Well, I didn't meet up with her specifically, I was with a bunch of friends and so was she. Our friends knew each other, and before you knew it, I was seated next to her at a picnic table. She bought me a Shiner Bock.
"So, Jodie," I ask. "You ever been with a big girl?"
"Yes, and I LOVED IT," Jodie said.
"So Jodie, you think I'm a big enough girl for you?"
"Uh huh," she purred.
Well, I like Jodie and all but, damn, she really pissed me off when she didn't do the role of Clarise Starling in "Hannibal."
So I says, "Jodie, baby, you're a doll but I can't be your big girl."
"Oh, and why is that?"
"I got a girlfriend in Canada, Jodes."
"Lucky girl!"
"She thinks so."
So Jodie takes my hand and says, "Can we at least be friends?"
And I say, "You got it, babe." Then I winked real big.

I am thinking one day a week should be Pulp Fiction day. That way I can make shit up and purge any urge I may have to tell lies.

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