It had to happen one day.
I have been the victim of unauthorized nude photos, taken by the sneaky Canadian Jewish paparazzi.
It all started innocently.
See, we were in bed one morning and James was sleeping all curled up in the crook of her arm. I ran -quite naked- to grab her digital camera and I took some really adorable shots of them.
She had on a T-shirt and was under the covers, so my photos of her were chaste and innocent as newborn lambs.
When I went to crawl back in bed, I handed her the camera for safekeeping. It was then I was blinded by two flashes and the double whirr of her digital camera.
I said, at the time, "Hey, you didn't catch me naked, did you?" and she boldly lied, saying she "didn't think so."
So, last night she sends me two lurid photos. Well, one just showed the top of my breasts, so that was okay, but the other was just plain obscene.
I looked like an albino, furless polar bear. Naturally, lefty and righty were chilly in the morning air and, well, you know how that goes.
I have demanded she delete them from her files and she said she would.
I do not believe her.
I feel like Pamela Anderson, waiting for the lurid photo to appear on a website called "Naked Crones with really white skin."
I feel so...cheap.