This Hair Shirt Itches

I have a few complaints I just have to get off my chest.

1. My next door neighbor Pete parks his truck in his driveway, right next to my office window.
Lately, every evening at 5:45 his new truck alarm goes off and he's mighty slow about clicking it off. It's a standard alarm with the same old tones, but I shouldn't have to hear wawa wawa wawa wawa wawa, then weed-o weed-o weed-o weed-o, then aouuuu aouuuu aouuuu aouuuu until he shuts the damn thing off. He needs to catch it by the second wawa.
Between that and his two yapping, mean little girly-girl male dogs who go berserk whenever they see me in my own backyard, I am about to give ole' Pete a garage sale.

2. A local right-wing talk radio station, KTSA, has a giant billboard on I-35 that says:
WAR WITH IRAQ...Ready!
I am not ready, my friends aren't ready and they are giving tourists a bad impression, making them think the whole town is full of shit.

3. Today I pulled up next to a red Ford F-350 ten-ton pickup with two bumper stickers on the back window. One said: "My boss is a Jewish carpenter."
That one was okay, my boss is a small Jewish woman from Canada.
The other sticker said: "Gun Control Means Using Both Hands."
What is wrong with these Christians who love guns so much? I really don't think Jesus would have been a gun nut.
And, with this guy driving an F-350 hog of a pickup, his truck bed ought not to have been so shiny and clean. Either use it for real work or buy something that doesn't suck so much gas, you gun toting, sense of entitlement sumbitch.

4. That loser who abandoned his little toddler stepson in a Utah grocery store? He needs to be horsewhipped. Give me the whip, I'll do it.

5. Wannabe shoe bomber Richard Reid got sentenced to life for trying to light the plastique explosives in his boot while traveling on a transatlantic jetliner. More than 200 people would have been killed had he succeeded in lighting the fuse.
Life? Why not execute the goofy looking jerk? Now he'll have a lifetime to talk other prisoners into becoming Al Qaida sympathizers.

Whew, I feel better now. It really pays to get your feelings out.